Tag Archives: Save Marriage

The New #1 Reason for Divorce, and How to Save Your Marriage

“Keep the Sparks Alive” Series

Since 2003, infidelity was reported as the most common reason for divorce in the United Kingdom. Now, a new reason has taken the lead in that country: falling out of love. I wouldn’t be surprised if data was similar in the United States.

According to The Christian Institute, more than 100 family lawyers were polled, revealing 25% of divorces were attributed to extramarital affairs, with 27% saying the couples had “fallen out of love” or “grew apart.”

The great news is that “falling out of love” is a preventable cause of divorce. Ask yourself if you’re doing the following 5 preventive maintenance actions.

  1. Are you spending quality time together each day (even 15-20 minutes) without TV, cell phones, computers or kids racing around?
  2. Are you sharing your needs, desires and goals?
  3. Are you actively helping your spouse meet his/her needs, desires and goals?
  4. Are you enjoying regular intimacy?
  5. Are you giving your love and attention and trying to be the best spouse you can be? Don’t wait for your spouse to start the cycle of loving actions; go first.

Couples tend to drift apart unless they take action to keep that drift from occurring. Make your marriage a priority—above job, children’s activities, housework, volunteer projects, etc.

Often, when couples feel as if they have fallen out of love, it just means they are not feeling that intense passion they did when they first got together. This is a natural hormonal process. But marriages are often revived, and loving feelings often follow loving actions. Avoid putting your relationship on life support. Keep the romance burning with time, attention and concern for one another.

Which of the 5 preventive maintenance steps does your marriage need more of?

LINKS:
Interesting debate on this CBS news clip on whether spouses should be legally required to provide sex to their partners as happened to one man in France who was sued by his wife.

Photo by photostock courtesy of freestockphotos.com.

Memoir Marriage Book Delivers Honesty & Hope

I was fortunate to receive an advanced copy of Project: Happily Ever After—saving your marriage when the fairytale falters, by Alisa Bowman. I interviewed Alisa several months ago here, and many of you expressed interest and excitement about her upcoming book. I’m happy to report the book lives up to the high expectations. Alisa delivers three important factors in this memoir-style marriage book: entertainment, education, and hope.

The premise: Alisa began her marriage with a man who seemed to adore her, but who then appeared to mutate into an apathetic, unhelpful husband and father. Alisa started to dream about his death, because then she wouldn’t have to divorce him, and she and her daughter could go on with their lives.

Suffice it to say the book is honest—much more honest than I would have the courage to be if I were in her shoes. Things get interesting when she is convicted by a friend who asks her what she is doing to save her marriage. When she realizes she hasn’t lifted a finger, and in fact hasn’t even been sharing her feelings of despair with her husband, she starts on a quest to read a pile of marriage books and implement their suggestions. The book includes many of her learnings and how their implementation helped improve their marriage.

I won’t ruin the twists and turns for you, but Alisa promotes that within a few months, she and her husband are renewing their marriage vows and building a solid life together. Somewhere along the line, Alisa realizes that her lack of communication and her negative perceptions were contributing a great deal to her marital failure. Her husband also makes some important changes when he becomes aware of her feelings and struggles. (You see, he couldn’t read her mind, and really didn’t have a clue about what she was going through.)

For couples who may have lost that early spark in their marriage, or even for individuals who are considering divorce or separation, Project: Happily Ever After is an important read. She doesn’t advocate staying in any marriage, but she does give plenty of tips for figuring out whether yours is worth staying in.

Did I mention it’s funny and entertaining? Well, if you read Alisa’s Project: Happily Ever After blog, you won’t be surprised by this fact. She tackles any topic with wit and her trademark honesty.

The book is available for pre-order here and will be coming out next month. Get your copy while it’s hot off the press! Watch Alisa’s sweet video here, and learn about how her falling-out-of-love story turned into a falling-back-in-love story.

Even though I’ve already read a free copy of the book, I plan to buy another copy in hopes of helping another marriage. Alisa even sweetens the deal by offering a free 81-page e-book for anyone who orders by January 31st. Along with the free book, you can enter to win a free Kindle, a romantic get-away, and more. Find the giveaway details here.

I want to congratulate Alisa for succeeding in both the marriage journey, as well as the publishing journey!