A new book called “The Love Fight” tackles the unique challenges of high-achieving individuals who are often married to relationship-oriented “connectors”. This Achiever/Connector marriage is at high risk of failure, because the partners may become codependent (unhealthy) rather than interdependent (the ideal).
The co-authors both fall into the category of high achievers who struggled to be emotionally present, and they aim to share their lessons. One important lesson they teach is not to measure success merely by professional achievements. More importantly, they encourage Achievers to also measure the success of their relationships.
Co-authors psychiatrist Tony Ferretti and practicing physician Peter Weiss, M.D., were both driven, high-achieving married men who weren’t always aware of how they put their jobs above their families and relied too heavily on their wives to maintain family relationships. However, they learned to create more fulfilling marriages and greater life balance.
The authors write to both the connectors and the high achievers with stories and examples from their own practices. They challenge the reader to view their perpetual issues with a new perspective. For instance, a spouse who provides well for his or her family may feel they don’t need to contribute as much emotionally, but would be wrong. Equally wrong would be a spouse who has not insisted that their partner grow up and be responsible for their own relationships, thereby enabling irresponsibility.
Often the high-achieving spouse thrives on the praise and appreciation he or she receives in the workplace. The supportive spouse may initially be attracted by these skills, but without regular marital connection, these constant work demands can cause resentment. Both spouses need to fully appreciate their partner’s talents and contributions. And both spouses need to prioritize the marriage and family.
The book goes on to explain characteristics and tendencies of Achievers and Connectors and how to help these couples make the best of their marriages. They explain how to change if unsuccessful patterns or resentments have come up. And they encourage couples that they can in fact change their marital destiny if they do the hard work that may be needed.
If you or a friend finds yourself in an Achiever/Connector marriage, and you hope to improve the trust, intimacy, and connection in the marriage, “The Love Fight” may help you see things in a new light.
Please note I receive no compensation for this review. The Love Fight can be found at Amazon or other retailers.
Lori Lowe has been married to her husband, Ming, for 19 years. She is the author of First Kiss to Lasting Bliss: Hope & Inspiration for Your Marriage. It tells the inspiring, true stories of couples who used adversity to improve their marriages–from overcoming drug addiction to cancer, infidelity, religious differences, and infertility, among many others. It’s available at Amazon.com and in various e-book formats here.