Tag Archives: connecting with spouse

True Connectivity

I’m a fan of Twitter and Facebook and find these and other sites help me connect with lots of different people for work and personal reasons I wouldn’t otherwise talk to. I think our use of these and other social networking tools helps fill a desire to be known by and connected to others. However, we should beware that filling our lives with technological tasks can, in some cases, actually reduce our true connectivity.

You’ve seen the friends who post details of their vacation every day and let you know when they stop for coffee. They air their grievances online. They carry their cell phone everywhere and never turn it off. They text in the middle of a dinner party. You probably know a lot more of these individuals than folks who take time out for silence.

Our frenetic pace doesn’t often allow for quiet time, for thinking, contemplation, prayer or meditation, for spending relaxing unstructured time with spouses and close family members. The wisest, calmest people you know probably allow themselves time of solitude. When we don’t take time for the bigger picture, we can begin to feel overwhelmed. We may even reach out to our social network to tell them how overwhelmed we feel or to complain about our busy schedule, which does little to solve the problem.

Many folks are finding they need to “unplug” from technology (including TV, ipods, cell phones and radio) for periods of time to help recharge their batteries, both for the more structured planning, praying or reading/learning type of activities, and for non-structured relaxed activities like taking a walk or bike ride or watching a sunset. I personally find that during these unstructured times, I often will find insight into a problem or a great idea that helps me with a project.

When you are lucky enough to be married, you have a partner for life, and someone you can truly know and be known by, an answer to our true desire to be connected. Once you allow yourself time of solitude to know yourself well, you can share yourself more effectively with your partner. Don’t allow gadgets or devices to get in the way of your personal sharing or to take away the valuable time you may need to reconnect.

This fall is the perfect time of year to appreciate the changing foliage together with your spouse while you share your feelings and discuss one another’s goals, challenges or concerns. Take time to listen and share. Don’t tweet about it, and don’t post a photo of the experience on your personal web page. Give yourself time to know your spouse and to be known. That’s true connectivity.

What gets in the way of your personal solitude or your true connectivity? Is there a way you can remove any obstacles?

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We Need True Connections

As I jump into the blogging world, we have more ways to connect than ever before–email, texting,  and cell phone coverage all over the world. I’d like to hear from you about how technology helps or hurts your ability to create and maintain relationships.  

In online forums, you may have hundreds or even thousands of “friends.” But in all these contacts, I wonder how often we make true connections. What about your treasured friendships–does technology help you maintain them or does it get in the way, leaving little time for friends? Do you talk to your neighbors? Do you chat with a friend over coffee? Or are you more likely to send a short email or forward an amusing story? Does technology allow you to make great connections that you would otherwise have not made? My cousin recently married a man she was matched with on eharmony.  They were in the same profession in the same town and never had met–a great example of technology facilitating a true connection.

A recent study from American Sociological Review found that the number of people who say that have no one to confide in is increasing–from 10% in 1985 to 25% today. Are we losing our ability to truly connect with those around us, even when it’s vital to our wellbeing? Be on the lookout in your life for those who need to make a real connection today.