Tag Archives: communication research

Improve Your Sexual Communication Skills

Your ability to talk honestly and openly is key to having a passionate sex life, says Dr. Patricia Love. The skills can be learned and improved, greatly enhancing your sexual satisfaction. Here’s a new program that can give you a boost in this area.

Jennifer Gill Rosier is a doctoral student at Purdue University (my alma mater) and the author of http://www.jenslovelessons.com/. For her doctoral dissertation, she will be testing the effectiveness of a research-based sexual communication training program that she has developed over the last three years. She is currently looking for participants. Below is a brief explanation of the study. You are invited to participate in this FREE trial sexual communication training program—but both partners need to participate. It’s done confidentially through online surveys.

If you find it difficult to talk about sex with your partner, you’re not alone. In fact, research has shown that many Americans have a difficult time talking to their partners about their sex life. Some people fear being embarrassed or embarrassing their partners, while others are scared of being rejected or ruining their relationships. Still others just don’t know how to start the conversation, so they never try. Let’s be real, talking about sex is a very sensitive topic for most individuals. All of these fears are completely natural and expected.

These fears can partly be caused by the minimal focus our society places on communication about sex with your partner. The discussion of sexual desires is not prevalent in our everyday conversations, which leads to us having fewer examples of competent and incompetent messages to model or avoid. If you have minimal practice discussing your sexual likes and dislikes to a partner, you may feel less confident in your abilities.

Contrary to popular belief, understanding how to communicate about sex is not intuitive knowledge, says Rosier. Instead, being able to discuss sexual desires and issues with a partner is a skill that couples can cultivate through communication skill training.

Research-based communication skill training programs, like the one being offered here at no cost, have been shown to significantly enhance the communication skills of individuals and couples alike. The program being offered here was carefully developed by relationship researchers so that your chances of experiencing improved sexual communication skills at the close of the program are greatly increased.

You can participate in the comfort and privacy of your own home. This trial training program is part of a study being conducted at Purdue University about sexual coaching skills. The purpose of this research is to evaluate a communication training program that aims to improve your sexual coaching skills. The study will also examine whether improvements in these skills increase both your and your partner’s sexual satisfaction and relationship satisfaction. The communication training activities that you will participate in during this study focus on enhancing your ability to talk about sex with your partner but do not ask you to engage in any specific sexual activities.

For more information about this opportunity, including information about how to participate, go to www.SexComTraining.weebly.com and read all about the program.

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4 No-Talking Tools to Boost Your Relationship

My recent post on The No-Talking Way to a Better Marriage provided reasons why men react with extreme stress responses when women want to share feelings and discuss relationship problems.

The natural next step is to find out what strategies may be more effective for wives to address concerns or problems. Co-author Patricia Love suggests:

  1. Use nonverbal communication to connect and bond—Use touch (see article and research about the importance of touch), shared activities (games, sports, talking a walk), or sex to bond you as a couple. When you are bonded, women need to talk less, and men want to share more, so you reach a happy middle-ground. When you are closely bonded, it’s easier to communicate lovingly.
  2. Convey compassion—Love says she has learned that compassion is more critical to relational success than love. We convey compassion by learning to empathize with the other person’s emotions, even when we can’t relate to them. Put yourself in your partner’s role. See her fears. See his doubt or shame. Allow yourself to feel compassion for your spouse, rather than to focus solely on your own unmet needs. We may need to re-train our brains to mentally trade places, especially during a conflict.
  3. Develop a hand signal that conveys the love and importance you feel for one another. Use it when you are feeling those emotions, and also keep it handy for when you are having discussions that may turn ugly. If one of you uses this hand signal, it can help prevent arguments from getting out of hand by reminding each of you of the relationships’ priority.
  4. Use positive reinforcement instead of complaining. For example, say, “I really appreciate when you put your laundry away” instead of “Why do you let your laundry sit out for days? It drives me nuts.” It will just come out sweeter, and your honey will be more likely to comply and to remember next time how much it pleases you.

Here’s a longer article about the book if you’re interested.

Do you find any of these strategies helpful? I think bonding and positive reinforcement are particularly effective, and compassion can motivate us to love differently. Thumbs up or down on the hand signals?