If you are planning a wedding, then you’ll know that one of the most difficult steps is deciding whether you should have an adult-only wedding, or invite your friends and family’s children.
Not wanting children at your wedding does not mean you dislike children, nor does it mean you dislike your friends or your family’s children!
There are lots of reasons couples do not want kids at their weddings, but most of the time, it has nothing to do with the kids themselves.
If you’ve decided on an adult-only wedding, you might be apprehensive about telling your guests. You don’t want anyone to think that you hate their kids, after all.
In this article, we explain how to say no to kids at weddings, and how to do so, without upsetting your guests!
Why Do People Have Adult-Only Weddings?
Couples decide to have adult-only weddings for various reasons.
Sometimes, it can be due to budget. Weddings are really expensive, and it could be that the couple is only having a certain amount of guests.
While children are lovely, they’re still children. They don’t understand the whole purpose of the wedding, or how momentous a wedding can be.
For that reason, couples may decide to have an adult-friendly wedding. Not because they don’t value children, but because adults will likely appreciate the moment more.
Other couples may decide to have an adult-only wedding because they know their friends and family will not relax.
Having children is a big responsibility, and it means that parents do not always fully get to enjoy events. This is because they are focused on making sure their children are safe and happy.
There’s nothing wrong with that, in fact, it’s good parenting. However, it does mean that partners do not get to fully experience the event.
On an important day, like a wedding, the couple wants their friends and family to be free of responsibility at the event. For that reason, they may decide that an adult-only wedding is the right way forward.
Weddings Are A Party!
For some couples, weddings are a time to get drunk.
If drinking is going to be a big part of a wedding, then it is not particularly safe to allow children.
While drinking is normal at a wedding, some couples may not be comfortable with children being around so much alcohol.
They may think it is safer for children to be at home with a babysitter or a trusted family member.
It’s essential to remember that while most weddings will have alcohol and a party, some weddings may be more, or less extreme.
They Just Don’t Want Kids At Their Wedding
Lastly, it could be that the couple simply does not want children at their wedding.
Maybe it is due to some, or all, of the factors above.
Or, potentially, they just do not want children at their wedding. It’s that simple.
Not everyone adores children, and not everyone thinks that weddings are an event for children to attend.
While it is a very controversial topic, that is the reality of some couples.
So, How Do I Say No Kids At My Wedding?
If you’ve decided on an adult-only wedding, then you will be thinking about how to break the news to your guests.
We’ll go over some of the best ways to say that your wedding will be kid-free!
Be Clear On The Invitations
Wedding invitations are delightful. They always have a charming design, and some people end up keeping their invitations for sentimental value.
Wedding invitations, as you can imagine, clearly show who is invited to a wedding, as well if you’re allowed any plus-ones, and so forth.
In this case, you’re going to have to be very specific on who is going to the wedding.
If you’re having an adult-only wedding, make sure that you state that there will be no children present.
You might also include a note saying something like: “No children under 18”, or “Sincere apologies, but this will be a child-free wedding. No children under the age of 18.”
This way, anyone who has children will know that they cannot bring them to the wedding.
Make Sure To Mention It On Your Wedding Website
On your wedding website, you need to state clearly that there will be no children allowed. This should be stated in the basic information and additional details about the wedding.
You could even create a section that explains that children will not be invited to the wedding if you think that it could cause a lot of anger and upset.
In fact, you can even pre-answer any (annoying) questions that you expect to receive. For example, you can explain the reason why (if you want to), and you can explain that there will be no exceptions, and so forth.
If you are allowing a very small portion of children at the wedding, you can write that here too.
It could be that you are only allowing very close friends and family members to bring their children, this is because they are seen as an ‘extended family’.
You can write that any close friend or family member who is allowed to bring children to their wedding has already been told.
You should also state it is not personal, and while everyone has lovely children, it helps keep the cost of the wedding lower (which everyone can understand).
Spread The Word
Make sure that you tell people that it will be an adult-only wedding.
When talking to your invitees, let them know, nicely — that it will be an adult-only wedding.
You can be very relaxed and informal about this, you do not have to make it a big deal. Just give them a heads-up, and explain it’s not personal.
Ask your family and friends to tell anyone who is invited that it will be an adult-only wedding, and to share their excitement.
If anyone is rude, they can explain that it is the wishes of the couple, and while they may not like it, it’s their special day.
Obviously, they do not have to continuously tell people, or be dramatic.
Having people on your side, and showing others that having an adult-friendly wedding can be a good thing, may lower any resentment and upset that people are having, by changing their perspective.
Some people will choose to skip this step. After all — it’s on the invitations, and no one should necessarily expect the whole family to be invited.
This is also perfectly fine, but if you are worried about upsetting people, it’s good to be willing to tell people in person.
Be Prepared For The Upset
It’s inevitable that some people will feel hurt and disappointed when they find out that their children were not invited to attend your wedding.
That doesn’t mean that you shouldn’t go ahead with your plans — it means that you need to be prepared for those feelings.
It’s important to remember that these people don’t deserve to be treated badly and that you aren’t being cruel — you’re doing what you believe is best for you and your partner.
Try to be understanding and patient, and try to avoid making assumptions about their reasons for feeling hurt.
They may feel left out and excluded, which is understandable.
Ultimately, you’ll have to decide whether you want to include children at your wedding, and that decision is probably going to cause some upset.
So, try to prepare yourself for that.
What To Do If You Feel Guilty
There’s nothing wrong with wanting to keep costs down, and planning an adult-only wedding makes sense from both financial and emotional points of view.
The fact that you’ve chosen to exclude children from your wedding does not mean that you are excluding them from your life.
Don’t feel guilty about deciding what’s right for you and your partner, even if other people disagree.
If you feel guilty, and you discover that a lot of your family and friends cannot attend your wedding, then maybe you should reconsider your choice.
It could be that a lot of people cannot attend, and it would actually be better for you to permit children to come, or have childcare at the wedding venue.
With that said, don’t let guilt stop you from enjoying your wedding. If you really do not want children at your wedding, you do not have to.
If you do not want children at your wedding, you should not feel guilty, or ashamed about your choices. It’s your special day, and you get to decide how to spend it.
While some people may get upset at your decision, it’s not your job to deal with their emotions. You are free to organize your wedding the way you and your partner see the best fit.