Does Your Marriage Have Enough Grit?

persevere morguefile What two characteristics are most important for student success? A recent NPR radio program revealed an award-winning researcher’s answer to this question, and it wasn’t IQ or innate abilities. The two most important characteristics for success were grit and self-control.

Having grit means being persistent, overcoming obstacles and maintaining your passion to achieve long-term goals.

When I heard about grit being the key to educational success, a little bell went off inside my head suggesting this is likely an important attribute also for professional and personal success, yes, even for marriage.

Not long after, I read from the Greater Good Science Center about the Quiet Secrets to Success. They suggest that common traits of people at the top of their field are grit and fortitude. (There’s that grit again.)

Hard work and never giving up seem like obvious choices for making a marriage work, or helping you achieve success in any endeavor. But the GG research also indicates that those who work hard do so strategically, being careful to take breaks and get enough rest. This is to avoid burnout and to keep the passion alive.

According to Greater Good’s Christine Carter, “Bring gritty isn’t just about pushing yourself 24/7 toward your goals…it’s about making progress toward your goals consistently and deliberately, in a way that works with our human biology, allowing for proper refueling and consideration of knowledge.”

If we all had a little persistence (grit) when showing love to our spouse or when working to overcome problems, if we all made sure we had breaks and enough rest to function well, if we all kept our eyes on the prize of a lifelong marriage as a foundation of our family, I believe that would boost our marriages to the next level. Thankfully, grit and self-control—unlike IQ or talents we are born with—are things that we can learn and grow in.

Who have you known that was not terribly gifted, but who worked very hard and overcame obstacles, eventually reaching their goals through focus, determination, grit, and self-control? I think we all know examples like this. Thankfully, we all have innate abilities and talents that can also aid in our success.

What priority does your marriage have in your life in your definition of success? Careers can be rebuilt, but families that shatter can’t be pieced back together. Don’t give up. Have the grit to give your marriage your absolute best.

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Lori Lowe is the author of First Kiss to Lasting Bliss: Hope & Inspiration for Your Marriage. It tells the inspiring, true stories of couples who used adversity to improve their marriages–from overcoming drug addiction to cancer, infidelity, religious differences, family interference and infertility, among many others. It’s available at and in various e-book formats here.

3 responses to “Does Your Marriage Have Enough Grit?

  1. I love your question, “What priority does your marriage have in your life in your definition of success?” Marriage gets the least of intentions sometimes. When things are not going well in our marriage, grit is that little stubborn girl inside my heart that stamps her foot and says, “Lord, show me how to change and how to fix this. My marriage is not going down with the ship!” Adversity doesn’t have to get us down. Your writing here shows that! Thank you, great piece!

  2. I grew into grit through my marriage.

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