How Important Is Romance In Your Marriage?

Thanks to Grace Pamer for today’s Guest Post!

For those unromantic souls out there who see marriage as a social contract, something that makes society work and nothing more, romance is clearly not an issue. But for most of us who fell in love with a wonderful person, then married him or her as a pledge of commitment and fidelity to that person, romance in a marriage is extremely important. It can be the rock on which the marriage is based, and it can sustain a long marriage through trials and dry spots when the natural and normal difficulties arise. When two people live a life together, they will inevitably have problems that come from being in that situation, and romance can help to solve those kinds of problems.


Depending on how long you have been married, or how tolerant you can be, familiarity will definitely set in, and the result can be boredom. Getting bored is a human condition, and if you find your formerly charming and entertaining mate is becoming stale and all too familiar, you need some romance in your lives. When this happened to a couple I know, they decided to take a weekend off from normal life every other month or so and do something completely new, something that would put them in an unfamiliar but romantic setting. By going to an opera together and spending the night in a downtown hotel, or spending a weekend hiking and camping, they found that they each became more interesting people to each other. The key is to find a romantic activity that is outside of your zone of familiarity, and to make sure that it is as romantic for both of you as it can possibly be. If you make the effort, it can turn that boredom around.


Habits are hard to break, but even worse is when they slowly grow into common behaviors and you have no idea how it happened. Most married couples in the early years of their lives together communicate in a healthy way, because that’s how they got to know each other and to be able to stay together. But as time goes by, communication can slip, and the partners take each other for granted. They forget how to talk and how to express their needs, so their needs go unmet and resentment grows. To stop this, my wife and I decided to do some research on how to communicate better, after admitting that it was a problem, of course. We found that a simple book of romantic conversation starters was a very good way to let romance fix the problem. By talking more and learning how to really communicate, our romance level skyrocketed – and that was a very good thing.


There is not enough time in modern life to take care of everything that needs to be taken care of, romance and marriage included. When time is an issue, stress is the result, and a couple who are overstressed are going to be under-passionate and romantic. By making a conscious effort to reduce the stress in your lives in a romantic way, a major problem can be addressed and solved. Most of the standard stress-reduction methods can be turned into chances for romance with a bit of imagination. Take a yoga or meditation class, and then practice together, making it a quiet but romantic date. Set aside a time to listen to calming romantic music with some candles and cushions, and let the stress fade while your passion flows.


Sustaining a marriage is something that requires work, cooperation, and commitment. But a married couple is already accustomed to those things; it’s what a successful marriage is about, after all. When you decide to use romance to sustain your marriage, you also decide that it is worth the effort, and your partnership will be stronger and last longer.

About today’s guest poster: Grace Pamer is the author of Romance Never Dies, a blog which gives insights into the art of putting together great marriage proposal ideas.


Thanks again, Grace, for those great tips. Readers, please feel free to share your ideas in the comments for infusing romance into your marriage!

Lori Lowe is the founder of Marriage Gems and author of First Kiss to Lasting Bliss: Hope & Inspiration for Your Marriage. It tells the inspiring, true stories of couples who used adversity to improve their marriages–from overcoming drug addiction to cancer, infidelity, religious differences, family interference and infertility, among many others. It’s available at and in all e-book formats at

Photo by Photostock courtesy of

14 responses to “How Important Is Romance In Your Marriage?

  1. What an important topic! It is so hard to keep the romance alive… Thank you for the reminder and ideas.

  2. It’s always a challenge! Glad you found the information useful. All the best.

  3. Pingback: You Are So Much Stronger Than You Think - Everyday Gyaan

  4. Pingback: Your Questions About Save My Marriage Today and The Love Dare Book

  5. Pingback: Link Love (07/07/2012) « Becky's Kaleidoscope

  6. Pingback: “Yes” – It Can Truly Change Your Live For The Better (if you only allow it) « Finding Ann MacGregor

  7. Pingback: Romanatic Date Ideas With Your Wife . | Essence of Marriage Magazine

  8. Pingback: 5 Romantic Ideas on a Budget. | Essence of Marriage Magazine

  9. This is what I call real touching, thank you for the post.

    “I think there is very valuable information in the ebook, Stop! That’s Crazy-Making! How to Recognize, Respond to & Recover from Passive-Aggressive Behavior & People, which you can find in PDF format at

  10. Pingback: What the Most Romantic Couples Do Before Bed

  11. Pingback: What the Most Romantic Couples Do Before Bed - Free Relationship Advice from Relationship Advice Man

  12. Pingback: What the Most Romantic Couples Do Before Bed | How to Save Your Relationship

  13. I’ve been married for almost 29 years, when it was our 25th my husband told me that a priest said that we should have a break for two weeks. But it was my husband that wanted the break. He was drinking lots, so I would bitch alot to him about his drinking. He has stopped making love to me, but he does not give up the drinking. I do not start making love because in our early years of marriage I would always start it until he told me that is all I think about, so I put the love making in his hands and it has come down to nothing. He has not made love to me for almost 3 years, I thought we could fix it but I’m starting to think it has gone passed the fixing. What should I do???? Please help me

    • Check my resources page for how to find a pro-marriage counselor. Go alone if you have to, but you both need much more help than a simple note can offer. There is no time to lose. Best wishes.

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in: Logo

You are commenting using your account. Log Out /  Change )

Google photo

You are commenting using your Google account. Log Out /  Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out /  Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out /  Change )

Connecting to %s