Rules for Reconnecting with Your Spouse

 A big thank you to Wanda Collins from for today’s guest post!

 If your children, employer, cell phone, or computer are getting more “playtime” than your spouse, it’s time for a little marriage intervention.

Like a lot of us, you probably lead a very busy life. But if your busy lifestyle is coming between you and your spouse, something’s got to give.  You see, a marriage cannot run on autopilot; it needs your time and attention to soar. Thus, it is essential that you learn to create balance in your life by loving harder, working smarter, and making your marriage a daily priority. Consider these Rules for Reconnecting with Your Spouse:

 Rule#1: Set Boundaries with Your Children

It’s crucial that you find time to invest in your children but investing in your marriage should come first. Teach your children to respect and appreciate mommy and daddy’s time alone. After all, your marriage is a heritage for your children and their children. So, provide them with the healthiest example of married life that you possibly can. Go a step further and explain to your children, in an age appropriate way, how important your time alone is and how it benefits them in the long run.

Rule#2: Shut it Down

Although technology provides us with many conveniences, these conveniences can also become habit forming. My advice is to create a new habit. Try shutting down all electronic devices, such as your cell phone, computer, and television at the same time each night. Once you are unplugged, give your spouse your undivided attention. Use this down time to simply talk with your mate. Try not to discuss bills, children, or work.

Rule#3: Make Time for Sex

I recommend you put sex on your calendar.  This may sound prudish but planning sex has many overlooked benefits. For starters, you can negotiate how often the two of you have sex during the week. This way both partners are satisfied. Scheduling sex also eliminates the old excuse of not being in the mood because the two of you have all day to mentally prepare and get in the mood. Sex is no longer “Hit or miss,” pun intended.

 Rule #4:  Put Date Night in Your Budget

My husband and I would sometimes skip date night because we thought we couldn’t afford it.  We made paying bills and saving for the future a priority over investing in our relationship.  I’m not suggesting you skip paying your utilities this month.  What I am suggesting is that the two of you set aside an agreed upon amount of money each month for date night. That way, date night doesn’t become a burdensome expense. Keep in mind you don’t have to over spend to have fun. Date night can be both fun and inexpensive.  Side note: Sitting in front of the television is OK occasionally, but technically is not a date.

 Rule #5: Just Say No

 Don’t say “No” to your spouse. Say “No” to anyone who attempts to give you added responsibilities that will upset the balance in your life.  That includes saying “No” to yourself. Some of us are workaholics; we have difficulty unplugging from work. Force yourself to stop doing whatever it is that you do and give that time to your spouse instead. By the way, you should also feel free to say “No” to bringing work home with you.

Rule #6: Be Creative

One couple told me that they created special email accounts just for the purpose of flirting with each other through out the day. They started by choosing sexy usernames, and then proceeded to email each other sexy suggestions to stay connected during the day.  Here’s an idea: After implementing Rule #3, you can use your special email accounts on the days that you have designated for sex. Flirting all day will prepare you for the real action later that evening.

Rule #7: Pray Together

Praying together is one of the most intimate things you can do as a couple. Not only is joint prayer an act of intimacy, but joint prayer is also a powerful weapon against the attacks of Satan.  So, make praying together a daily routine for reconnecting with each other and with God.

Rule #8: Just Do It!

It was Nike who first coined the phrase “Just do it!” back in the late 1980’s.  Although marriage is a life-long commitment, life is shorter than you realize. So, instead of simply reading this article and thinking about the ideas, take an active approach and put these rules into action.  Like Nike says, “Just do it!”

Thanks for the great advice, Wanda! These are all rules I try to abide by in my home. How do you choose to reconnect with your spouse?

Photo by Arvydas Kniuksta

5 responses to “Rules for Reconnecting with Your Spouse

  1. We pray together daily and put the kids down by 8pm. Gives us time to relax and reconnect on a daily basis.

  2. I love this list! Thanks Lori, for inviting this excellent guest post! I’m sharing…

  3. This is a great blog. And I agree that all those rules will be very beneficial and are very important in helping couples reconnect, especially rules #5 (Just say no) and #7 (Pray together), and could even benefit couples who have had troubles with infidelity.

  4. Pingback: The Boring Spouse « Passionate Christian Marriage

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