There is Hope for Your Marriage

Occasionally I hear from couples or individuals who are truly struggling in their marriage. Recently I heard back from one such wife who reports her marriage has made a complete turnaround. They overcame a period of disconnection and infidelity after a period of hard work in individual counseling. A couples’ retreat (Weekend to Remember) served as a time of reprioritizing and reuniting. The degree of improvement surprised them. Many couples never realize what can be accomplished if they have the right intervention.

I’m celebrating with this couple and thankful for them and their four young children that the marriage is strong and happy once again. If your marriage is in a down cycle or in crisis, don’t give up hope; a turnaround is possible. The marriage is in grave danger when one or both partners give up hope and stop trying to improve the relationship. Serious problems often require professional help to determine if you can get past them as a couple. If you are struggling in your relationship, check out my resources page for books, web sites and tips on finding a pro-marriage counselor.

LINKS:
Weinergate and the issue of infidelity in a new marriage from Huffington Post.

Please read and share your feedback on “How children of divorce can turn the tide,” a post I wrote for the Coalition for Divorce Reform.

Check out my guest post at Intimacy in Marriage: “Are you sacrificing your sexual intimacy on the altar of ideal conditions?

See if you can come up with “Two words for a better marriage” from Simple Marriage.

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6 responses to “There is Hope for Your Marriage

  1. Thank you so much for this. Couples can work miracles if they really want to. As you said, loss of hope is the key. Unfortunately, couples wait too long to get help or they seek it from the wrong therapist. Finding one who supports and understands marriage is critical. It’s always great to hear success stories.

    • Yes, far too many couples wait months or years before seeking help, or they seek it from the wrong therapist. I completely agree with that. I include a list of criteria on my resources page to help couples interview therapists and find a good fit who is pro-marriage. Thanks for your professional opinion and for helping to spread hope.

  2. So what do you do when it’s the other person who has given up hope, is involved in her affair and will not consider professional help.

  3. Clearly, it’s a tough spot to be in. I have personal talked with couples who have been there and gotten through it. The spouse who still has hope should go for individual counseling to a pro-marriage counselor. Divorcebusting.com is another resource. In the next week, I’ll be sharing some stories from a couple who were on the road to divorce and both seeing other people, but later reconciled. Whatever happens, I wish you the best.

    • I did all that 8 years ago when it happened and it made no difference. She got the divorce she wanted, the affair blew up sometime years after that. But my experience was our pastor blamed me for her affair, asking what I did to force her to have an affair. The church would not lovingly confront her in accordance to the instructions for Church Discipline spelled out in Matthew 18. I worked with Steve Harley of Marriage Builders, until I ran out of cash.

      Until churches and families are willing to approach the spouse who has lost their hope and hold them accountable to both their vows and how destructive their behaviors are, instead of being focused on distractions like same-sex-marriage (My church was focused on that, but couldn’t be bothered with saving a marriage right there in their midst.) nothing will get better.

      So after trying everything I knew to do, doing all the right things spelled out in the books, counselors, scripture and getting no where, I guess I gave up hope as well.

      Why would I have hope when those who claim they are in the business of helping cannot or will not take the steps needed to help a man save his marriage and family?

  4. I’m very sorry that things ended badly for you and that you didn’t get the support you needed.

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