Keeping the Romantic Flames Alive Series
We’d all love to sustain that same feeling of butterflies in the stomach and excitement that we feel when we first start dating throughout our married years. Unfortunately, constancy and routine have a way of dulling those feelings, and other responsibilities can get in the way of making time for our partner.
Fortunately, with a few of these tips and a little time and effort, you can help revive those romantic sparks.
1. Start “Dating”
Take it all back to the beginning and start setting aside time to spend with your spouse – alone. Without the kids. Without the computers. Without the Blackberries. Do something fun and relaxing. Don’t use the time to talk about household matters or to take care of errands. Focus on each other. Go to a fancy restaurant for a romantic dinner. Take dance lessons together. Take a bike ride around the park.
Whatever you choose, be sure that you are not trying to make the time double for something else – such as exercise or taking care of chores. You can make your dates part of a regular “date night,” but be careful not to let those become something else that you have to schedule. You don’t want your dating to become another part of your routine.
2. Do Something Unexpected
Nothing kills romance faster than the same old routine. Part of what makes dating so thrilling is the unexpected – both in what you do and in the person you are with. Break out of the dinner-and-a-movie routine and try something new. If you’re adventurous, maybe you can go parasailing or even bungee jumping. If you’re creative, try make-your-own pottery or go to karaoke. Mix it up with different types of activities.
Be unexpected in your daily lives as well. Flash your husband as he walks out of the kitchen. Surprise your wife by greeting her with dinner – wearing nothing but an apron. It doesn’t have to be sexy, just surprising. You can show up at your spouse’s office with lunch. Or come home with a movie you know your spouse will like. Even the little things can help break up the monotony.
3. Do Nice Things for No Reason
Wives have come to expect a dozen roses on Valentine’s Day – and maybe on your anniversary or her birthday. But what about sending roses when you know she’s having a bad week? Or just because you wanted to say you think she looks pretty today? Nice gestures don’t have to come with a price tag. Offer to cook dinner if you don’t usually do the cooking. Take the kids to a movie so your spouse can have a few hours alone. These gestures foster intimacy and goodwill – all of which will help you keep feeling romantic and loving towards your spouse.
4. Be Hands On
Foster physical affection through small gestures – such as a foot massage, or stroking your spouse’s hair while you lounge on the couch watching TV, or even just holding hands when you’re out in public. You don’t have to be groping one another constantly, but small gestures such as these can help foster intimacy.
5. Outlaw “Comfortable” Clothes
You don’t have to dress up every day you wake up, but it is a good idea to get rid of those clothes you’re still wearing that have holes, stains, and stretched elastic that you throw on to feel comfortable, but just make you look schleppy and maybe a little unwashed. Remember those days when you took care with your appearance and tried to look good for your girlfriend? Or when you always took care to put on your makeup for your boyfriend? Revive a little of that spirit and take care with your appearance. You don’t always have to look like you’re ready for your first date, but taking time to look nice will help keep your partner interested and keep the romance alive.
6. Create Sexy Games
Perhaps you like to role play in the bedroom. Or maybe you would enjoy exchanging naughty coupons. These fun games can bring a little sass back into your intimate relationship. Try creating a “code word” game: Think of a word that you can say, and whenever one of you says it, you have to kiss, or touch in some way, or make out. You decide the rules. Maybe you like to explore. Make it your “mission” to make out in every French restaurant in the city. Or every wine bar. Or every hiking trail. Mix it up according to your interests.
7. Laugh Together
Laughter is the best medicine in almost any scenario. Couples that laugh together have fun together and are able to be more intimate together. Even First Lady Michelle Obama said that the secret to the success of her 19-year marriage is that she and her husband can still make each other laugh. Remember to take time for one another, to not take yourselves so seriously, and to play.
Lisa Shoreland is currently a resident blogger at Go College, where recently she’s been researching types of scholarships as well as engineering scholarships. In her spare time, she enjoys creative writing, practicing martial arts, and taking weekend trips.
Is Sex More Work for Women? How to get more participation, support and caring from your spouse. This article is from Psychology Today and says, “Giving to your partner what your partner needs is not an act of selflessness. It is enlightened self-interest.”
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