Remaining Close with Your Spouse

“Keeping the Sparks Alive” Series

Sometimes it’s easy to feel super-close with our spouse; other times, even though we may spend day-in and day-out with them, we may feel miles apart emotionally.

To help us bridge the gap and retain the closeness, I wanted to share this article from Redbook, 7 Surprising Ways Happy Couples Stay Close. My favorite three tips from the article are below, but I liked all seven:

  1. Keep a sweet non-wedding-day picture of the two of you from your “falling in love” days. Look at if often, and bring back all the warm feelings you felt when you were still gaga over him/her.
  2. Celebrate a unique anniversary together. In our house, we celebrate Columbus Day, because that was our first kiss back in 1990. I like that Columbus Day is written in every calendar, so it’s harder to forget.
  3. Share your empty nest dreams. It used to be that our retirement dreams seemed a million miles away, but after two decades together the future seems closer. Perhaps we’ll have time to fly off to Paris and Milan again, write books, garden, take photos, and hopefully see our kids live fulfilling lives of their own.

The reason I selected these three is because I think they demonstrate balance between remembering and celebrating our past, creating important rituals in the present, and sharing dreams for a future together. Marriage allows us to share decades’ worth of history (even the bad stuff hopefully helped bring us to a new understanding) while growing together. If we evolve with the relationship, it doesn’t become boring or frustrating, it becomes an adventure together.

Related Links:

Did you ever wonder why college educated couples have lower conflict and divorce rates? Psychology Tips for Married People from Engaged Marriage suggests some of the basic communication skills learned in college may give college grads a leg up in marriage. Allison Gamble offers tips for creating marital balance.

From PsychCentral, The Risks of Pornography in Couple Relationships. Dr. Athena Staik reveals some insights about how male and female sexuality is distorted by pornography in the culture. Perhaps its greatest harm, she notes, is blocking the formation of healthy couple intimacy, and misleading perceptions about what it means to be a man and a woman in a relationship. A small example she cites, in real life, women are more like crock pots, and men are more like microwaves. Read about other misunderstandings she hopes to dispel.

Photo Credit: ©Andrejs Pidjass/

One response to “Remaining Close with Your Spouse

  1. Tom and I celebrate the day he proposed to me – Sept. 16th – every year by going out to breakfast. This is what we did before he took me to a beautiful lake front park and asked me to be his wife while sitting on a bench facing the water. He said he couldn’t wait all day to ask me this all important question at a romantic dinner, so he opted for a nice breakfast followed by a romantic location instead. It was perfect! It is by far one of our favorite and most anticipated dates on the calendar, and this year it will be 33 years since that day! Time sure goes by fast. Thanks for the reminder, Lori!

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