6 Tips to Make Romance Easy/Automatic

“Keeping the Sparks Alive” Series

Most of us intend to do nice things for our sweethearts, but few of us get around to doing these things. I think the key is to make it as easy and fast as possible.

For instance, I know lots of men “forget” that their wife needs loving notes or touches through the day. If you have a smart phone, you have no excuse to forget. Just as you schedule important client notes or work deadlines, simply program in brief reminders into your week.

  1. For example, Monday morning at 10 a.m. set a reminder to text or email your spouse about something positive from the weekend.  You can even put the reminders in code if you don’t want them to know, but make it easy. Then do it right away. “Had a great time Sat night” or “That lingerie was a hit” or “Thanks for putting up with my extended family this weekend.” Done.
  2. Wednesday at lunch, set a reminder to call and say you were just thinking of him.
  3. Thursday remind yourself to mail a sweet card that you have stashed in your office.  Buy these cards in bulk, pre-address them, and put love stamps on them. Always ready to go. If you don’t want to mail it, hide the card in a briefcase or leave where it will be seen.
  4. Saturday, set a reminder to go hug your wife. She won’t care if the hug comes after your phone buzzes.
  5. Sunday, set an alarm to leave a short sticky note or small gift somewhere they will find it, such as a favorite candy bar or a candle or scented lotion.

 For those who are willing to put a small fund toward creating romance, you can even automate your gift-giving. The first idea came from 1001 Ways to Be Romantic by Gregory J.P. Godek:

  1. Place a standing order with a friendly florist, giving him or her a list with birthdays, anniversary, Valentine’s Day, or “just because” days. Provide a price range and your floral likes/dislikes. Leave your credit card number and a request to send these orders on the selected days, or to call you and go over the orders together a few days ahead of time.
  2. Join a beer/wine/cheese of the month club that allows your guy to get a monthly surprise.
  3. Your husband might even agree to a monthly lingerie allowance to surprise him. Select multiple items at once to save you time.

The key is to make daily romance automatic and easy. If you can’t make time for a two-minute task each day to maintain a romantic atmosphere in your marriage, your lover may not be high enough on your list of priorities.

What is your biggest obstacle to romance—time, creativity or money? Your answer will help me determine what kind of tips to share here.

Related Link:
The 50 best marriage tips ever from YourTango.com.

ABC News reports a good kiss can seal a relationship, while bad kiss can kill it. The video has more research on kissing.

Photo credit: ©Melissa Schalke/PhotoXpress.com

14 responses to “6 Tips to Make Romance Easy/Automatic

  1. I love sending and receiving fun text messages throughout the week from my spouse! It takes so little time, but is always so appreciated. It just lets me know that he is thinking of me. (And I’m always saying to him, “Thanks for putting up with my extended family!”) 😉

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  3. My biggest obstacle is not any of the ones you listed, it’s just me being too damn tired at the end of the work day to do anything except hit a shower and go to sleep soon afterwards. We do little text messages to each other and stuff, but once I get home after work I just want to veg and since I spend so much time with people I like to have quiet time by myself too.

    • I know many of us can relate to being too tired after a long day. Can you veg together at least when you’re exhausted? Can you look at changing any part of your life to give you more energy (change in work schedule, diet or exercise can sometimes help). That’s great you are making small connections through the day. Perhaps just set aside some larger blocks, at least on the weekends, where you can have quality time and fun together.

  4. Time is definitely my biggest obstacle. I recently had a couple of weeks off between ending one job and starting another. Valentine’s Day, my wedding anniversary and my husband’s birthday all fell within the time period and I felt like I was able to be more creative, attentive and prepared to make those days special because I wasn’t my usual over-worked, stressed self. It made me feel great to be able to show my husband how much I love him with thoughtful gifts and plans, so I love these tips to help me keep it up even as my life returns to its usual hectic pace!

    • That worked out well for you, Melissa! Good for you for putting some planning and creativity into the rare free time you found. I hope these tips help you keep it up! Best,

  5. Reply to sarahnsh: What priority level do you place you marriage. If you job leaves no time for your marriage, maybe it is time to think about a different job or career. Is it worth your marriage? I recently graduated college and it took me 10 months to find a job, partly because I didn’t apply to job openings where I knew I would be working lots of hours. Missing out on my kids growing up was also important in making this decision.

    • I think it’s great you prioritized your family needs in your job search. Some families may feel they need the income or can’t find a more flexible job arrangement, but it is wonderful that you have done so. It is unfortunate that more companies don’t offer family friendly positions. I believe they could attract high-quality talent, especially withiin generation X and Y, if they offered more flexibility on the job.

  6. Having enough quality time is without a doubt our biggest struggle, but we really try to make sure we don’t things get out of hand.

    I think the time issue and the emotional and physical energy issue are closely related. In the crush to do more and more, we usually end up exhausted and emotionally spent, with little left to give our spouses.

    Sometimes we have to simply put aside a few “have to’s” and realize that we can’t do it all. The job/laundry/yard/hobby/exercise… will still be there tomorrow. If we don’t invest sufficient time and energy in our marriages, well then, who knows about tomorrow?

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  10. Thank you for your work… it is helpful.

    Many men and women don’t realize that romance was intended by God to not stop until death separates the couple.

    When there is injury in marriage, love stops and that stops the romance.

    It is this reality that must be faced before anything can change.

    This page changed my life and causes me to see what really happened:


    I now wish every man and woman would have an opportunity to read it.

    [page is not mine…]

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