Sex Stats for Married and Singles: How do You Measure Up?

The average person in America has sex approximately 60 times a year, according to a study from the American Sex Survey, The Kinsey Institute. Within every age group from age 18 to over 70 married people had  more sex than singles. The study reported that 70 percent of American men think about sex every day, compared with 34 percent of women. Individuals in the 18-29 age group had sexual intercourse most frequently (96.3 times per year for married, 77.5 times per year for singles). Each decade older corresponded to a decline in frequency of sexual intimacy.

This begs the question, how much affection and intimacy is enough to keep a marriage going strong? Another study of 3,000 British residents by CBCNews in Canada answers this question. The Generous Husband recently reported on this study, explaining that “For a good marriage, you need 4-3-3-2-2.” That is, couples should enjoy four kisses and three cuddles per day. They should have sex three times a week, share two hobbies and have two romantic dinners per week.

I can hear you saying that marriage can’t be broken down into formulas and numbers. I agree, but suggest that the above numbers are reasonable benchmarks. If you want guidance on what behaviors to avoid and focus on, Simple Marriage recently shared 7 Deadly Sins of Relationships, which offers spot-on advice regarding how to keep your relationship strong, and behaviors that could be the death-knell of your love affair.

What do you think of these numeric recommendations? Is communication more important than how often you cuddle, or does physical intimacy bring you closer together?

Photo Credit: ©Mat Hayward/

12 responses to “Sex Stats for Married and Singles: How do You Measure Up?

  1. Kinsey reports along with Redbook that women with children at home enforce a diet of sex once a week or less on their husbands. This is a primary reason for the 50% divorce rate in this country. The other reason is lack of conflict resolution skills.

    I very much agree with your hubby’s numbers. I have gone on other blog sites and have had women coming out of the woodwork hurling hate speech at me and calling me all kids of names. I also suggested that they wear frilly lingerie for their hubbies because men are visual creatures. It would seem that women are very conflicted about their sexuality and have even more body issues than picking out a bathing suit when it comes to frilly lingerie. The majority of women wear deadly dull white nylon panties with no lace and utilitarian bras that are ugly as well. This is even born out by movies stars flashing panties for the papparazzi. There are upskirt sites on the net and the vast overwhelming majority of even moive stars wear white nylon panties with no lace.

    Women need to get more comfortable with their sexuality. It is largely the fault of churches who teach girls that sex is bad, dirty and that good girls don’t do it. They never teach all of the positive commands in the bible to have a great sex life.

    Sex creates bonds and women tear down at those bonds by rationing sex with their husbands and then wonder why they are getting divorced. Men get the bulk of their affectional needs met through sex with theiir wives. Whne wives refuse their husbands sexual overtures, he feels inadequate, unloved, unworthy and a total loser. It breeds real resentment on the part of the husband.

    The best thing that a woman can do for her children is to give him hugs and kisses in front of the children and not worry about the kids hearing them going at it in the bedroom. Kids are not hurt by hearing this activity, but it gives them a sense of security knowing that mom and dad are happy.

    Rant over

    Blessings on you and yours
    John Wilder

    • Just a quick clarification–The Generous Husband is not written by my husband. His wife is also named Lori, though. (My husband is not a writer or blogger; he flies airplanes.)

  2. Hey Lori:
    Thanks for the clarificatioin. I will bet your hubby still agrees with the writer about how many times a week couples should have sex.

    It is interesting in the bible about the proverbs 31 woman where it states: “That the husband safely trusts his heart with her so that he have no need of spoil” is mistranslated by many bible scholars that the word spoil means earthly gain. What it really means is the spoils of war which often included taking the women from the conquered nation to be used as concubines, a sort of second class wife whose duty it was to satisfy the husband when the primary wife refused him sex. God allowed this for a time so that men did not commit adultery. It changed with the proverbs 31 woman where she now was tasked with taking care of all of a husbands sexual needs. God changed it becuase kids need a dad full time and with multiple wives and concubines, the kids were not getting enough dad time.
    Sadly in this country we have the highest divorce rate on the planet. The two main reasons for it are sex and the lack of conflict resolution skills. The children are hurt the worst over this. We are seeing it in our hghly dysfunctional society.

    Blessings on you and yours
    John Wilder

  3. Sorry, I just re-read my post and realized that I repeated myself from the first one, but it is still true.

  4. I always wonder on stats like this, are the “singles” that are listed a random sample of singles that are in sexual relationships or could it be a single that is not in a relationship?

    Regardless, I believe there are huge connections between sex and relationship satisfaction. I think the more you do something, the more it creates that bond. If people are not having frequent touch, sex and communication, the bond will be weakened.

  5. Just to talk straight, I’ve just split up with a girl we were together for around 3 months (with holiday absences) and we probably had sex about 20/25 times. Wasn’t really counting. We are both late 30s.

    Yes, it’s very important for men, the physical closeness helps build the emotional links, and from that affection and love.. our relationship was on the point of blossoming but she fell in love with someone else – off subject so I’ll press on..

    The stats are certainly not surprising, single people won’t have the same opportunities to make love regularly!

    But you need another category – ‘in a relationship’..

  6. This is fascinating. Whenever people come up with these theories, I always thing to myself: Does this person have a job? And/or do they have kids? That’s a great theory and all, but it’s completely unpractical and really hard unless you have an insane amount of free time.

    When I shared this post with my husband, he inquired: If we kiss more than four times a day, does that compensate for one less romantic dinner? lol

  7. I think the numerical recommendation is a good thing. When I look at that list, I think to myself “yeah, that sounds about right”. I don’t think it’s unpractical. (2 kids and 3 jobs between us)

    You know that movement about how eating dinner as a family will make you a better family? I agree, so we aim to eat dinner as a family 4 nights a week. But we also added to our aim, dinner as a couple once or twice a week. We don’t leave the house, but we do get a mini “date” out of it. I think it helps fuel the rest of the numerical suggestions and the kids enjoy a night or two of dinner allowed some place they typically wouldn’t eat. Last night they chose the porch. And a good time was had by all.

  8. That the husband safely trusts his heart with her so that he have no need of spoil” is mistranslated by many bible scholars :
    it could mean no need to spoil/spill his seed by taking things in hand.

  9. Man.. wish I was average… I’m married with one 3 year old… I’m lucky if my wife is even interested 3 or 4 times a year. Always has excuses one why she’s not in the mood… I pretty much gave up even asking anymore..

    • Reminds me of a post I read on just today called “just because he stopped asking doesnt mean he stopped wanting”. The blog might be helpful for you.

  10. Pingback: Growing Up Millennial | For Millennials, first comes baby carriage

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