Category Archives: Divorce

Resources for Couples Impacted by Infidelity

No one knows precisely how many couples are affected by marital infidelity. I have seen marital infidelity rates quoted from as low as 15 percent to as high as 80 percent. Peggy Vaughan, a marriage writer who experienced a cheating husband but later rebuilt her marriage, reported an estimated 60 percent of men and 40 percent of women have extramarital affairs.

The truth is that none of us is immune to the risk of an affair. Even people with “good marriages” have affairs for various reasons. We can, however, prepare ourselves with education and tools to help strengthen our marriages and reduce the likelihood of cheating. And we should know that there can be healing after infidelity, even though the road is not an easy one.

Peggy recently passed away after battling cancer. As her legacy, she asked that her resources to help couples deal with and heal after infidelity be available free to the public. She shares her personal story as well as articles on who has affairs and why, tips to avoid them and information on rebuilding trust. The information can be found at DearPeggy.com.

Peggy calls honesty a prevention tool for affairs. “Couples can’t avoid affairs by assuming monogamy or even by promising monogamy without discussing the issue. And they can’t avoid affairs by making threats as to what they would do if it happened. Either of these paths create a cycle of dishonesty.” Instead, she suggests spouses be willing to admit attractions and temptations to one another, because if they won’t admit to being attracted or tempted, they certainly won’t admit it if and when they act on the attraction. And if you admit to an attraction, it kind of takes the secret excitement out of your feelings.

If you do have an attraction, by all means, don’t place yourself in tempting situations, especially when you are alone with that person. Don’t share personal details or try to get to know them better. Better yet, run.

Hopefully you have not experienced infidelity first-hand. If you have, maybe these resources can help your marriage heal. If you have not, give thanks, then educate yourself about keeping your marriage strong and infused with honesty and behaviors that benefit you both.

It’s a myth that your spouse won’t be hurt if you cheat on him or her but you are not caught. There’s you, your spouse, and the marriage. And the marriage always knows.

Have you experienced infidelity? Did your marriage survive? If so, what tools were useful to you?

Lori Lowe is the author of First Kiss to Lasting Bliss: Hope & Inspiration for Your Marriage. It tells the inspiring, true stories of couples who used adversity to improve their marriages–from overcoming drug addiction to cancer, infidelity, religious differences, family interference and infertility, among many others. It’s available at Amazon.com and in all e-book formats atwww.LoriDLowe.com.  Great for holiday stocking stuffers! 

Image by Simon Howden courtesy of freedigitalphotos.net.

Keep Choosing Right for Your Marriage

The truth is you already know most of what your marriage needs. You probably come here for inspiration or reminders, but deep down you know what keeps your family thriving. The hard part is making the effort, making the time and keeping your priorities straight.

So, today is a day for some simple reminders that aren’t so simple to keep in practice. I’m going to include two links—the first is from a divorced man named Dan Pearce who learned the hard way what he should have been doing all along to save his two failed marriages. It’s humorous and entertaining, yet husbands and wives alike are praising his advice as the ticket to more bliss and fewer divorces.

His feedback on what he would do with a do-over is here at 16 Ways I Blew My Marriage. Sometimes a good laugh will help us remember the message. From the serious, “Tell her what she is doing right,” to the not-so-serious, “I’d wait to fart until I was in the bathroom whenever possible,” Dan covers a lot of ground.

For other useful reminders, check out: 10 habits to keep marriages strong from Redbook Magazine with advice from David Wilk, a couples therapist in Vancouver. I think his #10 tip spoke to me loudest—remember it’s the little, everyday behaviors that mean the most.

“When it comes to relationship satisfaction, you can’t just ride on the big things like, ‘I don’t drink, I pay the bills, I don’t beat you, we went to Hawaii last year,’” says Wilk. “This stuff is not really what keeps couples happy in their daily lives.” What really matters is all the small stuff that adds up, such as being there for each other when one needs to vent, or noticing when he needs a hug, or making him his favorite meal just because. “It’s also giving up on the idea that you have to feel in love all the time. Marriage is about trust and commitment and knowing each other,” says Wilk. “That’s what love is.”

From my own perspective, I know that family dinners and family walks help us connect, and that carving 15 minutes a day to talk to my husband is important. I also regularly have to remind myself to say out loud the things he is doing well, to express gratitude and praise. It’s all too easy to become too ships passing in the night, especially when he is traveling or working the night shift, and sometimes we have to work harder to be affectionate partners not just parents, workers and homeowners. Some days, all it takes is a longer-than-usual hug and kiss to get us back on the same page. Other days, actually scheduling a date night out is needed.

Take the reminders that help you most, and put them to use today and tomorrow, next week and next year. When you’re on the right path, surprisingly good things can happen. If you get off the right path, do what it takes to get back.

Which of these reminders speaks most to you? What do you do to keep your marriage moving on the right track on a daily basis?

Lori Lowe is the author of First Kiss to Lasting Bliss: Hope & Inspiration for Your Marriage. It tells the inspiring, true stories of couples who used adversity to improve their marriages–from overcoming drug addiction to cancer, infidelity, religious differences, family interference and infertility, among many others. It’s available at Amazon.com and in all e-book formats at www.LoriDLowe.com.

Photo credit: Lori Lowe

Are Pre-Marriage Jitters Predictors of Later Divorce?

The months preceding a marriage should be used by a couple to seriously consider whether they wish to be truly committed to one another and feel that they can do so. It’s not unusual for one or both of them to have questions, concerns or even fears about marriage. Occasionally, these reservations lead them to call off the wedding.

I’ve known several couples who after going through marriage preparation decided not to marry. Rather than considering this a failure, it’s probably good to know early—before they promise to love and honor ‘til death do they part—that at least one of them has serious doubts as to their long-term success. Unfortunately, it’s often just one person in the couple who comes to that conclusion, leaving the other broken-hearted.

A recent study caught my attention that analyzed these pre-wedding jitters of couples who went ahead and got married. Did having these fears predict a later divorce? Psychologists from the University of California, Los Angeles surveyed 250 couples a few months after they got married. They conducted follow-up surveys every six months for four years.

The researchers concluded that wives’ uncertainty before marriage was a better predictor of a later divorce than were husbands’ reservations. They also found the wives who had doubts before marriage tended to be less satisfied with the marriages. And couples in which both partners had doubts were linked with a 20 percent divorce rate.

“Don’t assume that love is enough to overpower your concerns,” said lead study author Justin Lavner. “You know yourself, your partner and your relationship better than anybody else does. If you’re feeling nervous about it, pay attention to that. It’s worth exploring what you’re nervous about.”

Considerably more husbands had doubts about getting married—47 percent—compared with wives at 38 percent. However, the wives’ doubts were better predictors of impending marital trouble. Nineteen percent of the women who had doubts about getting married were divorced within four years, while 8 percent of wives who did not have reservations were divorced four years later. For men, 14 percent of the husbands with doubts were split in four years, compared with 9 percent of husbands who did not have doubts getting hitched.

Researchers said marital jitters were significant predictors even when they took other factors into consideration, including cohabitation, whether the couple had divorced parents, or the difficulty of their engagement.

Newlywed wives with doubts about the marriage were two-and-a-half times more likely to divorce within four years than wives who did not have these doubts. And even the wives (who had doubts) who stayed together after four years were significantly less satisfied with their marriage than wives who did not experience these doubts.

“There’s no evidence that problems in a marriage just go away and get better. If anything problems are more likely to escalate,” said Lavner.  So, for couples not yet married, explore any reservations you may have, and go through premarital preparation to help you discuss important issues before tying the knot.

For couples who are already married, that is not to say marital problems can’t be solved; there is hope for all marriages, and many (experts say most) problems can be solved.

I should also add that I know some individuals who had jitters that faded away once they made the decision to commit to one another. It was the commitment decision itself that gave them jitters, not the person to whom they were engaged. Only you know whether your feelings of doubt are serious or fleeting.

See the story in HealthDay.

Did you have pre-wedding jitters? If so, did they fade or did they become predictors of future problems in your marriage?

Photo by Aleksandr Kutsayev courtesy of freedigitalphotos.net.

Religious Practice is Relevant to Divorce Rate

It’s common to hear people say that Christians have the same divorce rate as non-Christians. In fact, most people believe this is an established fact. When digging deeper, however, this turns out to be false, at least when we’re talking about practicing Christians. Religious practice, not religious affiliation, makes the crucial difference.

W. Bradford Wilcox, a leading sociologist at the University of Virginia and director of the National Marriage Project, conducted his own analysis which concludes there is a big difference in the divorce rates between those who are committed to religious practice and those who self-identify with a particular faith.

To explain it further, people who refer to themselves as Catholics are 5 percent less likely to divorce, but active Catholics are 31 percent less likely to divorce than those with no religious affiliation. Among Protestant Christians, those who are nominal Protestants are 20 percent more likely to divorce than nonreligious people. Conservative Protestants are 10 percent less likely to divorce, and Conservative active Protestants are 35 percent less likely to divorce than people in the general population. The difference was a much more stark difference among Jewish individuals. Nominal Jewish people were 53 percent more likely to become divorced, and active Jewish people were 97 percent less likely to divorce than the non-religious. Wilcox controlled for socio-economic factors.

So, contrary to what you have heard, religious commitment and practice within a traditional religious faith does correlate with stronger and longer marriages. Reasons for these church-goers’ lower divorce rates may include having a community of support to help churchgoers live out the churches’ teachings. There were important correlations of note:

“Whether young or old, male or female, low-income or not, those who said they were more religious reported higher levels of commitment to their partners, higher levels of marital satisfaction, less thinking and talking about divorce, and lower levels of negative interaction.  These patterns held true when controlling for such important variables as income, education, and age at first marriage,” reported Professor Scott Stanley, sociologist from the University of Denver. (From FactChecker: Divorce Rate Among Christians)

Jennifer Roback Morse writes in the National Review Online that the false assumptions that Christians divorce at the same rate as others is harmful because 1.) It contributes to a general sense that divorce is inevitable. 2.) It demoralizes people on a personal and policy level. 3.) It makes Christians appear to be hypocrites. 4.) People don’t know that religious practice has a stabilizing effect on marriages.

However, in every culture and religion, I think we can agree that divorce more common than we would hope.

Do you believe your belief system and/or religious practice affects your marital strength?

Get Inspiration for Your Marriage:

Lori Lowe is the author of First Kiss to Lasting Bliss: Hope & Inspiration for Your Marriage. It tells the inspiring, true stories of couples who used adversity to improve their marriages–from overcoming drug addiction to cancer, infidelity, religious differences, family interference and infertility, among many others. It’s available at Amazon.com and in all e-book formats at www.LoriDLowe.com. Pick up your copy today!

Photo by David Castillo Dominici courtesy of freedigitalphotos.net.

Researchers: Divorced friends may have good marriage advice

Some divorced individuals have learning experiences through their divorce that can help others, researchers say. The Early Years of Marriage Project, a long-term NIH-funded study on marriage divorce that began more than 25 years ago found that divorced people may have some valuable insights to share.

The study included 373 couples between the ages of 25 and 37 who were in their first year of marriage in 1986. Nearly half of them divorced, and 70 percent went on to new relationships.

Researchers also found value in asking happily married couples what makes their marriages work. But they concede that the divorced couples can tell about what they learned about marriage the hard way, and what they would do differently. More than 40 percent of the divorced individuals remarried, and they shared some of the things that they carried to their second marriages. Read the TODAY article here for details.

A couple of the points researchers found included:

Nearly half of subjects said money strained their first marriages. That’s why 60 percent didn’t share expenses in their new relationships. Instead of resolving their money issues, they felt it was better to set up a system that kept financial conflict at bay.

Researchers found that men needed “affective affirmation” –such as as compliments or physical contact that shows support from their wives as an important part of their relationship.  Men needed this non-sexual support more than women, because they don’t often hear positive feedback from others in their lives as women do.

It’s too early for the researchers to determine if these second marriages will fare better than their first in the long run. However, the point is that failure often teaches us some important lessons. If you have a divorced friend who tells you he wishes he had shown more affection to his wife, or who says she wishes she had appreciated her husband’s efforts more, those are lessons worth listening to. If they have a lot of anger about their ex, perhaps it’s best to change the subject.

Lori Lowe is the founder of Marriage Gems and author of First Kiss to Lasting Bliss: Hope & Inspiration for Your Marriage. It tells the inspiring, true stories of couples who used adversity to improve their marriages–from overcoming drug addiction to cancer, infidelity, religious differences, family interference and infertility, among many others. It’s available at Amazon.com and in all e-book formats at www.LoriDLowe.com.

Photo by imagerymajestic courtesy of freedigitalphotos.net.

Americans Marrying Later in Life—When is the Right Time?

Americans are marrying at a later age than ever before, according to the U.S. Census Bureau. The median age of a first marriage is at its highest ever, about 28 years for men and 27 years for women.  A growing number of Americans are marrying for the first time over age 40; this has helped push the median age of first marriages to its new heights.

The number of women marrying for the first time in their teens has dropped significantly—from 42 percent in 1970 down to 18 percent in 1988 and 7 percent in 2009. And while 88 percent of women were married by age 24 back in 1970, only 38 percent of women were married by that age in 2009. Not only are fewer women marrying at that age, there is more societal acceptance of being single much longer.

Various reasons have been suggested—young adults wanting to finish college and/or start careers, wider use of contraception to delay childbearing, personal preference, or changing societal norms are some of the more commonly mentioned. And sometimes individuals just don’t find a partner they really want to be with until they are older. Because there is less pressure to marry than there used to be, many are willing (and happy) to live single, but may decide to marry when they meet someone they consider an ideal mate.

Experts suggest some benefits to marrying later are having a better sense of self and a better understanding of what you want in a partner. On the other hand, people who marry much older may be very “stuck in their ways” with lifestyle and household habits, and will need to be flexible and considerate to live happily with a mate.

There is no perfect age at which marriage can be guaranteed a success. However, the rates of teen marriage failures are very high, so the reduction in teen marriages will likely be helpful at reducing divorce rates. Still, many young couples feel very confident in their decision to marry young and have gone on to have long and happy marriages.

I was 24 when I married, which was close to the average at the time. I had known my (now) husband for five years by then. How old where you when you married? Do you think your age had any bearing on your marital success or failure? When do you think is the ideal age at which to marry?

Lori Lowe is the founder of Marriage Gems and author of First Kiss to Lasting Bliss: Hope & Inspiration for Your Marriage. It tells the inspiring, true stories of couples who used adversity to improve their marriages–from overcoming drug addiction to cancer, infidelity, religious differences, family interference and infertility, among many others. It’s available at Amazon.com and in all e-book formats at www.LoriDLowe.com. Note: Amazon has First Kiss to Lasting Bliss currently discounted at $13.95 for a hard copy and $8.19 for the Kindle edition! A pdf is available for $7.99.

Photo by Jomphong courtesy of freedigitalphotos.net

Relationship Insights for Adult Children of Divorce

If you are an adult child of divorce struggling with your current relationship due to simmering feelings from your past, I highly recommend an insightful piece from a Washington Times columnist called “Children of divorce: chasing affection in the house of guilt.”  It includes data about the effects of divorce on children and advice for  individuals who may fear marriage or fall into unhealthy relationships due to what they experienced as a child.

Jerome Elam says in part, “My revelation after all the years of soul searching is that happiness is something so rare and beautiful that you hold onto it with all your strength. Learn to recognize it when it comes into your life and embrace it despite the fear in your heart.” I found his story to be moving and heart breaking. Check it out here.

Marriage Education Shows 55% Increase in Marital Satisfaction

In the nation’s largest study on the immediate and long-term impact of marriage education, surprisingly strong improvements in marital satisfaction have been shown.

Healthy Relationships California studied more than 17,000 marriage participants who took a skills-based marriage education course. Before the course, only 44 percent of the married individuals considered themselves happy with their relationship, and 56 percent were moderately or highly distressed in their marriage.

Six months following the course, 32 percent were distressed, and more than 68 percent were satisfied in their relationship. This equates to a 55 percent increase in the number of people who were satisfied in their marriage.

I believe this should convey to the average couple that learning marriage skills can be dramatically helpful in their marriage. Skills like conflict management, communication, financial skills, or any area that is difficult for you can be learned and improved. Learning how to appropriately communicate your concerns, your desires, your dreams and wishes in a way that doesn’t put your spouse on the defensive—these are important skills that can be learned even if it seems like much of your communication is filled with conflict.

You don’t have to succumb to the popular belief that all marriages decline, and that it’s all but impossible to have a successful long-term marriage. Nearly every state offers marriage education courses. Many churches and other organizations also offer classes or retreats. What skill would you and your spouse benefit from improving?

You can read more of the details here at Healthy Relationships California’s web site by Jason Krafsky.

Lori Lowe is the founder of Marriage Gems and author of First Kiss to Lasting Bliss: Hope & Inspiration for Your Marriage. It tells the inspiring, true stories of couples who used adversity to improve their marriages–from overcoming drug addiction to cancer, infidelity, religious differences, family interference and infertility, among many others. It’s available at Amazon.com and in all e-book formats at www.LoriDLowe.com.

Photo by Ambro courtesy of freedigitalphotos.net

More Couples are Sliding into Cohabitation

According to the New York Times, cohabitation in the U.S. has increased by more than 1,500 percent in the last 50 years. While many people still have moral and/or religious issues with cohabitation, more than half of all marriages are now preceded by living together. If you are thinking about whether cohabitation is feasible for you (i.e., saving money while you decide if your partner is marriage material), read “The Downside of Cohabitation Before Marriage” from The New York Times’ opinion pages by Meg Jay. Despite the title, she is not really against the idea of cohabitation; she just offers an array of warnings. She discusses “the cohabitation effect” as well as researchers’ findings that cohabiting partners often have differing, unspoken agendas. She touches on research that shows a strong strong correlation between cohabitation before marriage and lower marital satisfaction.  Read on for more insights into this piece from our guest contributor. Breakups may also involve division of substantial assets like homes. That’s where today’s contributor comes in.

Today’s guest post by Indianapolis realtor and relocation expert (and friend of mine!), Kristie Smith. Kristie is always on the front edge of trends, and she has found the need to provide more than the usual housing expertise to her clients. While in the past, most buyers were either single or married, today’s realtors need to be prepared to sell homes to the growing number of cohabitating partners who may or may not understand the legal implications of such a decision. When I found this article on her blog, I thought many of you would be interested in reading her insights.  And if not, maybe you’ll like the clip from Mad Men. By the way, Kristie is happily married and resides in Indianapolis. She’s a long-time supporter of Marriage Gems and of my book, First Kiss to Lasting Bliss. Thanks, Kristie!

Guest post by Kristie Smith

Kristie Smith

If you caught the April 29 episode of Mad Men, in one of the climatic scenes, Peggy’s very Catholic mother admonishes her daughter after Peggy announces that she’s moving in with her boyfriend, Abe. “You are selling yourself short,” Mrs. Olsen says, explaining her anger. “This boy, he will use you for practice until he decides to get married and have a family. And he will, believe me.” Watch the first two minutes of the clip below for an inside look at this story line!

The show takes place in 1965, so Mrs. Olsen’s reaction may seem quite old-fashioned when viewed through the lens of today’s “anything goes” culture. But was Peggy’s mom on to something?

A recent must-read column in the New York Times suggests that she was. According to the article, while two-thirds of 20-somethings say that moving in together is a good way to test the waters before marriage, and therefore avoid divorce, research shows that couples who live together before marriage (and especially before an engagement or an otherwise clear commitment) “tend to be less satisfied with their marriages — and more likely to divorce — than couples who do not.”

Why is this? Meg Jay, a clinical psychologist and author of the column, describes a phenomenon called “sliding before deciding.” You’re together all the time, you sleep over frequently and then voila—you’re living together, more for reasons of convenience and finance than real commitment. And once this arrangement begins, it’s hard to get out of, especially if you buy furniture, a pet or even a home together. Jay compares it to opting in for a credit card with zero percent interest for the first year. After 12 months, the interest shoots up to 23 percent; you haven’t paid off the balance and, whoa—you’re locked in.

I do tend to be of the conservative persuasion, like Mrs. Olsen. In addition to the social implications of the living-together-before-marriage trend, which I find fascinating, I of course am interested in the real estate implications. After all, nearly 40 percent of all closings that I attend are for non-traditional buyers, and statistics show that more than eight percent of all owner-occupied homes in the U.S. are owned by unmarried couples.

Before you get into what could turn out to be a bad situation (some say a breakup between two unmarried people who own property together can be worse than a divorce), here are some big issues you should take into consideration:

  • What if you buy a house together and you eventually break up? This is a significant consideration given that almost half of unmarried couples break up within five years, and unmarried couples do not have the benefit of legal protections that married couples enjoy. To protect yourself, it’s of utmost importance to put the answer to this question in writing. Work with an attorney to draw up a Home Sharing Agreement, which will spell out your individual rights and responsibilities with respect to the property as you purchase your new home and on an ongoing basis.
  • What if one of us doesn’t want to sell the home after a break up? If there is no Home Sharing Agreement and you break up, you can mutually decide what happens to the home. If the house has no mortgage, then one party can simply sign a quit-claim deed and remove all rights to the home. This makes sense if the home has little or no equity. However, if there is a mortgage on the property in both names, you cannot simply quit-claim your interest and walk away. That mortgage and debt impact will influence your credit (and buying potential) until the home is eventually sold or refinanced. Therefore, it’s critical that if a partner is keeping the house, he MUST refinance the loan into just his name. If the remaining partner cannot get approved for the loan solo, then the property must be sold to protect the displaced mate’s credit and financial responsibility for the home.
  • What if you move in to a home that your partner already owns and you then break up? It doesn’t matter how much money you put toward maintenance, improvements and other expenses. The home is in your partner’s name, which means you will have no legal recourse should you break up.
  • What if one person owns the house and there is a death? Because of this possibility, it’s important to write the deed in both of the couple’s names with “rights of survivorship,” even if only one person is financially responsible on the mortgage.  If the title is NOT set up this way, the house will go to the next of kin of the “owner.”

Although many unmarried couples slip into their living arrangements because of convenience, living together brings up all kinds of legal considerations, especially when an unmarried couple buys a home together.  Although you may think that you don’t need a piece of paper to prove your love, you should at the very least have a home sharing agreement to protect your interests. Marriage shouldn’t be entered into lightly, and neither should living together. To echo Peggy’s mom, don’t sell yourself short.

——

Thanks to Kristie for sharing her insights. You can reach Kristie at www.IndyHomes.com.

Lori Lowe, founder of Marriage Gems, is the author of First Kiss to Lasting Bliss: Hope & Inspiration for Your Marriage. It tells the inspiring, true stories of couples who used adversity to improve their marriages–from overcoming drug addiction to cancer, infidelity, religious differences, family interference and infertility, among many others. It’s available  at Amazon.com and in all e-book formats at www.LoriDLowe.com.

Top 15 Reasons Romantic Partners Fight

The following list from Science of Relationships shows the top sources of conflict in order of the most common themes. Only about 100 people were surveyed for the results, so it’s not a large sampling. However, I found several things interesting. For instance, being overly self-absorbed about your appearance causes more conflict than being disheveled in your appearance.  And being condescending is number one on the list, something you would think most romantic partners would be above. I was also surprised that being jealous, possessive or dependent ranked so high on the list at number two. Read the rest of the 15 hot-button conflict issues for couples here.

Keep in mind that the degree of conflict can vary greatly on the list. For example, not factoring in your partner’s feelings is a much smaller slight than being sexually aggressive or forceful. As you read the list, think about whether there are any areas in which you have been guilty or less than loving. If so, ask yourself what the underlying reasons for your behavior might be and how you can change and improve. Then, go to your spouse and ask for forgiveness along with sharing your decision to improve that behavior. Ask for their input. If your spouse needs some time to think about your actions before discussing it or forgiving you, try not to be defensive. Sometimes it takes longer to get over slights and emotional wounds than you think. Often, your loving actions will speak louder than your promises to do better.

I don’t advise you to use the list to point out all the ways in which your partner could be a better spouse. The most effective way to improve your relationship is to focus on what you can control–your own actions and responses. Be the spouse you would like to have. Act with love and respect. Even in cases where your spouse is in the wrong, you can address the situation in a loving manner and stand up for yourself. That means loving and respecting yourself, too.  

Do you feel as if you have good conflict management skills, or that conversations quickly turn into arguments, which get heated and don’t usually get resolved? Remember that conflict management and communication are easily learned skills that are taught both online and with skills trainers at retreats or with coaches/counselors. If conflict is bringing your relationship down, invest in learning these skills. One inexpensive place to learn relationship skills online while retaining your privacy and using as much or little time as you wish is PO2.com, or Power of Two Marriage. (I don’t receive any compensation for mentioning them, I merely think they offer an innovative service.) The organization provides entertaining videos and tips to help you practice and improve various skills.

Which areas of conflict are most frequent for you?  I noticed many of the commonly mentioned topics are not on the list, such as financial conflict and conflict having to do with extended family or friends. I was also surprised that chores/childcare/division of labor wasn’t on the list. Are these biggies for you?

Lori Lowe is the author of First Kiss to Lasting Bliss: Hope & Inspiration for Your Marriage. It tells the inspiring, true stories of couples who used adversity to improve their marriages–from overcoming drug addiction to cancer, infidelity, religious differences, family interference and infertility, among many others. It’s available  at Amazon.com and in all e-book formats at www.LoriDLowe.com.

Photo by David Castillo Dominici courtesy of freedigitalphotos.net.