3 Tips to Warm Up Your Marriage This Winter

Women’s Health Magazine had some good suggestions in its September 2011 issue that I thought I’d share. These cold winter months are the perfect time for giving your spouse some extra attention.

  1. Pretend you just met. Author and psychologist Terri Orbuch, PhD, says couples often stop asking “get to know you” questions, because they think they already know each other. However, since we all change and develop, we need to be constantly checking in to keep the daily connection growing. So, instead of chatting about your daily agenda, spend some time pretending like you just started dating. Ask what he would do if he won the lottery or what her favorite book is. Or, ask about positive family memories or what the best ball game was he ever watched. Anything that would spark a good conversation. Don’t assume you know all your partner’s responses even if you’ve been married a long time.
  2. Tweet responsibly. Avid tweeters tend to have shorter relationships—10 percent shorter, on average. If you’re big into social media, learn how to disconnect from technology and truly connect with your spouse. (Based on a survey of 100,000 people from OKCupid.com) Be sure the time you tweet isn’t time taken away from being one-on-one with your spouse.
  3. Be intimate at least weekly. Frequency of sex is a marker for successful relationships. The average American couple gets busy two or three times a month. But increasing this to once a week generates as much bliss as earning an additional $50,000 in annual income, according to researchers from Dartmouth College and the University of Warwick in England. They even explain the reasoning behind the statistic. “Couples who like each other end up in bed more often, says the study author. “And it’s the liking-each-other part that increases joy.

If one of your goals for 2012 is to give your relationship a shot of inspiration, read my book, First Kiss to Lasting Bliss: Hope & Inspiration for Your Marriage , which tells the stories of a dozen amazing couples who used adversity to improve their marriage. Go here for links to Amazon print version or e-books for Kindle, iTunes, Sony, Nook or PDF. If you already have the book, don’t forget to email me for your 7 free marriage improvement gifts, including everything from an e-book to improve your sex life to date night suggestions, an iPhone app with daily marriage tips, a marriage refresher workbook, a video to hone your communication skills, and tips for how to connect on a daily basis with your spouse in just 15 minutes a day.

Photo by Ambro courtesy of Freedigitalphotos.net

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14 responses to “3 Tips to Warm Up Your Marriage This Winter

  1. Love these ideas! It’d be fun to do a date and act like we just met- have him come to the front door and pick me up. hmmmm ;-)

  2. Thanks I have enjoyed turning to your blog for advice over the last two years. I know you probably get a lot of awards and I am not even sure if you accept them but you are one of my fifteen go to blogs. So I have nominated you for the versatile blogger award! Keep writing and I will keep reading.

  3. I’m so glad you find the blog useful. Of course I accept awards and get excited about them! I certainly appreciate the nomination! I always love to hear if my writing is having an impact on others; that is what makes my time and effort worthwhile. Thanks for your note!

  4. Lori you are so great at bringing us terrific tips from all over the net! I refer to that Dartmouth study all the time, because for the longest time I was fixated on adding 50 grand to our income. ha! Funny how more frequent sex made me happier than money and the, ironically the money showed up!

  5. oops! I obviously don’t know how to post from gravatar anymore! lol last I looked I was just GinaParris

  6. Okay, so number 3 was a shocker to me. I knew sex was a great indicator of the health of a marriage but I didn’t realize most married couples only have sex a few times each month. Wow! We definitely knock that ball out of the park :).

  7. Good for you; you’re like “virtual millionaires”! Enjoy all the extra bliss. Seriously, there is a big range, with many couples on each end of the spectrum, so the average falls in between.

  8. Pingback: Dating a Married Man…but how? « Still Dating My Spouse

  9. Lori, excellent post! Thank you so much for sharing. Tip # 2 really struck home with me…I have a good friend, who had separated from his wife shortly before I got to know him as a friend. They had been together for several years prior to their separation, and one of the primary reasons for his wife asking for a divorce was because he spent so much time online with social media and online games, etc. If we are not careful we can get so caught up in our ‘Internet world’ that we neglect our flesh and blood, family and loved ones around us. Thanks for the tips and the reminder for keeping our relationship on track. It is always a pleasure reading your posts.

    • You are very welcome; I appreciate your kind words! So true. We all struggle with the benefits and drawbacks of technology. However, the flesh and blood relationships in our lives deserve our full attention. Have a great day, and thanks for the note.

  10. I think most couples should be intimate 2 to 3 times per week!

  11. Married couples also need to boost their relationship especially by sharing activities together. These suggestions that you shared are very helpful in doing such. Thanks for sharing.

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