Some men feel personally rejected if their wives don’t desire them on a daily basis. This is just one example of differing sexual needs that may catch couples off guard, say couples counselors Matt and Marilyn Stevens of ConnectEd PAIRS.
They say that for women to be ready for sex, they need affirmation, a feeling of connection, nonsexual touch, intimacy (not the sexual kind but the deeper connection kind), and romance. How often does romance lose out after the honeymoon?
On the flip side, men have other needs to feel sexually fulfilled. These include mutual satisfaction (men want to know they can please their partner, so communicate what pleases you), connection, responsiveness (i.e., eagerness rather than passivity), initiation, and affirmation.
So, if we’re keeping score, affirmation and connection were on both lists. That means all the readers today should find something they respect or appreciate in their partner and communicate it to their partner. Don’t let another day pass without building up your spouse. And work on maintaining a strong connection—listening well, providing support and loyalty to one another, and using touch throughout the day.
Then take a look at the rest of the list and see if you have any room for improvement in the areas your partner needs.
When you married, were you surprised at how different your spouse’s needs were from your own? Next Friday, I’ll share foods and scents that can boost your libido.
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