Make Over Your Marriage in 15 Minutes a Day

Some time ago, I shared a strategy I read in Dr. Bill Doherty’s book, Take Back Your Marriage. He suggests a variety of rituals to maintain a strong marriage. One of them was to spend just 15 minutes a day together as a couple—no kids, no talk of chores, no nagging. It’s a time to reconnect, and it sends a message to your partner that, “You’re more important right now than the laundry or changing the oil in the car.” He and his wife have found over decades that this short time a day has tremendously boosted their marriage.

This idea of spending 1% of our day together has been gaining strength in many blog circles, including at the blogs Simple Marriage and Engaged Marriage. I think the reason the idea keeps coming back around is that it’s a good one, but the nugget of the idea also needs a successful implementation. The first obstacle is making the time, and the second obstacle is making it a positive experience. I can say I’ve had a hard time maintaining the daily priority. Some days we spend hours together, and some days we are in different cities, and we hardly spend five minutes on the phone.

Can you find 15 minutes a day that works for both of you? Empty nesters may find first time in the morning or at breakfast is a great time to chat, while those with young children may need to wait until the kids are in bed. If your children are somewhere in the middle, it sends a strong message to tell them Mom and Dad have 15 minutes a day during which they shouldn’t be interrupted.

If you’re wondering why you need to have 15 minutes together, or if you don’t have any idea what you would talk about if kids, schedules and chores are off limits, I would recommend a new e-book that is just being released today from Dustin Reichmann of Engaged Marriage. It’s called the 15-Minute Marriage Makeover: Refresh Your Relationship, Add Sizzle to Your Sex Life and Be Happier in Just Minutes a Day.

The book takes the guess work about how to get started, outlining 28 days of what to discuss or do during your 15 minutes each day to maximize the effect and make it a positive habit for your marriage. It includes many creative strategies for reconnecting. Even more importantly, it guides you so that the topics don’t turn into criticisms or hurt feelings. One week is devoted to developing intimacy and improving your sex life. There are also tips for building romance. And, because finances can be problematic for many couples, there’s a section devoted to getting control over that part of your life. I think the book is ideal for couples who in general get along well, and who don’t have major differences to work through. If you would like to be more intentional about your life and marriage, and you would like a boost in your romantic life and to feel more connected, then this is a tool that if used as outlined may help bring your marriage to a new level of satisfaction.

Because Dustin is a friend to Marriage Gems, he is offering my readers a limited-time discount, and he will provide some of the proceeds back to this blog. This is the first time I’ve offered an affiliate link, and I wanted to be up front about the fact that this blog would benefit from sales if you buy through this site. If you’re interested in learning more about the 15-Minute Makeover, visit this page. He’s offering the book for $17 from now until Friday. After that time, the price will increase to $27. So, if you’re interested, check it out before Friday! You can check out the table of contents at the link. Dustin offers a money-back guarantee.

Win a Free Copy This Week!
If you would like to be considered for a drawing on Wednesday for a free copy, please add a short comment below. I will draw the name Wednesday at noon EST. Good luck!

About these ads

29 responses to “Make Over Your Marriage in 15 Minutes a Day

  1. I’ve recently started following your blog and I have to agree that 15 minutes a day is probably not too much to ask to spend with your spouse. The hard part is actually taking the time to get that 15 minutes in! I’m lucky if I get 15 minutes a week, let alone a day with my wife. I can honestly say that I don’t feel as close as I’d like to with her and if Dustin’s book would help lay out a roadmap to get that time together, I’m ready to buy it. Of course I’ll wait until after Wednesday to see if I won it..;-)
    Thanks

    • Hi Mike. I’m glad you have become a recent follower of the blog. Realizing you want to be closer is an important step in actually getting there. I hope the book is helpful to you. It is so easy to let life get in the way of our relationships. It took a long time to drift apart, so give yourselves some time to rebuild your connection. I’ll post the winner here in the comments on Wednesday!

  2. Great post!! I am going to forward this to my wife…we try to talk when it’s not the right time, then we DON’T talk when we do have time. We wood certainly benefit from this!

  3. Hi Lori,
    I am a believer in the concept… but in reality we’ve found it difficult to implement. I’d love to win a copy of the e-book in order to help us make a habit out of it! Thanks!

  4. I just stumbled upon your blog and I think you have some great information on here. This is a great idea and 15 minutes a day is something that doesn’t sound too overwhelming, but I’m sure following the ideas in the book would help make it a reality and assist in making the time more intentional in purpose. Thanks for this great article!

    • Hi Emilee. Glad you like the blog. FYI, there’s a free e-book on the home page and lots of resources on the resources page. I appreciate the positive feedback.

  5. If ever there was a needed resource for couples trying to invest in their marriages with the ever increasing demands on time, this would be that time. I don’t think our lives have ever required such careful balancing as we try to invest time in the lives of our grown children and grandchildren and balance two demanding careers. Thank you for bringing our attention to this resource. Blessings!

    • Laura, it’s so true. We are all so stretched no matter our ages or stages of life. It sounds as if your plate is certainly full in a good way. I hope the resource is helpful to you.
      Best to you.

  6. I find that it’s the hardest thing for me to do is to make that time for us after I’m done with work. I’m a massage therapist and when I work I tend to be so exhausted that I get home and I don’t say much, just eat, and tend to go to sleep.
    I have to make more of an effort and it’s just hard to do that after a long day of work. The fiancee is always great with taking care of me though, so I want to be just as good as he is because it makes my day to come home to him.

  7. Sounds like it is just what we need! I would love to win the e-book. Thanks

  8. 15 minutes a day sounds great, but as you said, with small children that time falls to the end of the day when we are already exhausted and drained from long days. I think I will try to focus on 15 minutes at lunchtime … maybe even if that is just a phone call. Thanks!

  9. Great advice, and so simple too. All it takes is for us to make this a habit. We can all aff0rd 15 minutes each day, even if it means getting up earlier/going to bed later. Or often even just turning off the TV at dinner.

  10. You pulled me in with “free”!!!
    I believe the challenge is not so much getting the 15 minutes, but making it a quality 15 minutes. The challenge lies in mixing up your time and planning something special and different to do occasionally. Whether that be a lunch date, sitting and eating breakfast together after the kids go off to school, taking a walk together, etc. We frequently get plenty of time together in the evening after kids are asleep, but like others, we are tired and worn out by then.

    • Hi Kyle! Good to hear from you. With all those great trips lately, you have done well to get quality time together!

  11. 15 min a day is a very short amount of commitment that can add such a profound and enriching increase in marriage satisfaction!

  12. My husband and I are in year six of our marriage and that thing called “life” has taken over our ability to find, no make, time for our relationship. We still make it work, but since we are in it for life, tools such as this one would certainly make it more natural and like second nature. I can see where it would strengthen our bonds tremendously. Thanks for the idea!

  13. We have been following Dustin for a while now and love his blog as well as FitMarriage. We would love to win a copy of his book.

  14. I agree, 15 minutes a day is a wonderful tool to help couples reconnect. This is especially important to couples with kids. It is so easy to prioritize your kids over your spouse. My husband and I were doing this for years and when we did get some time alone we had nothing to talk about. We now put our marriage before our kids and it has made a wonderful difference in our marrage and in our family. Everyone is happier!

    • Amy, you’re right, putting your marriage before the kids is actually a gift to the whole family. Kids crave a happy foundation for the family, and parents crave the intimacy that builds that foundation. Thanks for the note! Best.

  15. Could it may be save a marriage which is already far to close to its end?
    It is worth trying. Thanks for the idea!

    • Orsi, if the time you are spending together now is spent fighting or in conflict, you probably need more help. Try divorcebusting.com or look at my Marriage Resources page (http://lifegems4marriage.com/marriage-resources/) to learn about how to find a pro-marriage counselor or to see other books that may help you. If you just need to connect more and give your relationship a boost, this e-book can assist you. I wish you the very best!
      Lori

  16. It continues to amaze me how hard it can seem to find 15 minutes each day. It also amazes me how much of a difference those 15 minutes can make when they’re spent together!

  17. We’ve been married 31 years, but can always use more information on enriching our wonderful marriage.

  18. This topic is something I would very much like to implement into our marriage. With a toddler and a teenager, finding time just for us is a struggle. Finding out that things aren’t always as they have appeared after 16 years -even harder. I would appreciate a copy of this to hopefully help us.

  19. It’s shocking to me that it’s hard to find 15 minutes to spend with my husband – but I’d love to try. Thank you for this post – and I’d love to win the giveaway :)

  20. My husband and I could definitely stand to make time for daily connecting. This looks like an excellent practice!

  21. Drum roll please….And the winner of today’s drawing is Kevin. Thank you all so much for your comments. Best wishes to you all!

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out / Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out / Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out / Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out / Change )

Connecting to %s