Show Love by Making Your Mate Feel Safer

Snow and ice blanked much of the U.S. last week, but I felt protected during an ice storm even when my husband was traveling across the country. He showed acts of love by making sure we had contingency plans in place in case the power went out, which it frequently does where we live. He made sure to review with me how to manually open the garage door, how to start the generator, which essentials to run, and where to plug them in. He even made a last-minute trip the grocery for extra supplies. These actions helped me to stay calm and know that I could care for my children and myself even in the worst scenarios.

Even if you live in a warm and cozy climate, there are ways you can make your spouse feel secure and protected. Many husbands don’t realize how unsafe their wives may feel when traveling alone or even when alone at home. Showing concern for her safety helps demonstrate your love.

Here are a few ideas:

*Buy her a glass-breaking tool for the car that allows you to break the window if the car becomes submerged under water.

*Install solid doors, deadbolts and/or an alarm system in the home.

*Offer to pick her up if she is arriving late at the airport.

*Make sure the car is filled with gas, has the oil changed and is in good working order.

*Check to make sure she reached her destination if she’s traveling a long way.

*Add an emergency supply kit to her car, along with bags of salt or sand.

*Put a GPS in the car if she frequently gets lost.

What wife wouldn’t swoon over a guy who checks her tires and oil before she has to take a trip? It’s the loving gesture as much as it is the act of ensuring her safety.

I think most men are more concerned with feeling safe in being themselves than they are with their physical safety. Some may be reluctant to share their feelings or experiences due to fear of criticism or feeling judged. A happy husband is one who can be honest about his feelings and knows his wife will be supportive and loving. A husband who walks on egg shells when he arrives home or tries to stay clear of the nagging and complaining is not one who will feel safe enough to share what is deep in his heart.

How are you making your mate feel safe today? What other ideas do you have for improving feelings of security—both physical and emotional?

Useful Links:

Are You Doing all the Heavy Lifting in Your Relationship? Alisa Bowman wrote a great post called How to Swallow Your Pride to respond to questions about whether it’s fair when one mate does most of the marriage improvement work.

Trends in Modern Manhood. Tom Matlock writes about porn addiction, the media and modern manhood in this Huffington Post article. Tom interviewed men from all walks of life–the rich and famous to the laborers–and found one thing again and again: the struggle to stay true to themselves as men.

Do You Not Relate to Sex Studies? Paul Byerly explains in this post that many sex-related studies are not about married couples like you, so take them with a grain of salt.

Deterioration of Traditional Marriage. Article written by David Blankenhorn, Sr., the father of the president of the Institute for American Values. His perspective on the generational shifts and trends in traditional marriage.

Photo credit: ©Andreys Pidjass/PhotoXpress.com

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8 responses to “Show Love by Making Your Mate Feel Safer

  1. I’m trying to figure out the best way to share this information with my husband without starting an argument! You know I had the exact opposite experience during the ice storm when my husband went out of town, got stranded and left me to care for three children with no preparation. None of it was his fault, but your post explains how I felt a little let down by his role in our stressful situation.

    What do your male readers think about hearing these suggestions? I don’t think men fully understand the issue of safety and the large role it plays in the mindset of most women. I don’t live my life in fear, but safety plays into the decisions that I make every day for myself and my children.

    Great post!

  2. I can tell you from past experience that guilt does not work. I’d love to hear suggestions from our male readers!

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  4. Here’s the problem as far as many men will be concerned: most of the time, unsolicited help or advice – especially in areas where there is a gender bias (household safety, anything to do with cars or unnecessary gizmos like garage-door openers) – results in a barrage of recrimination. Quite rightfully, too; I would feel deeply patronized if my wife went away for the weekend and insisted on double-checking with me that I knew how to windex the bathroom mirror.

    Bottom line for me is: if you need help, ask for it. If you don’t, don’t complain that you didn’t get it. Men are no more mind readers than women.

    And men need to be made to feel safe too. Maybe more emotionally than physically. We need to know that our women love us and still find us attractive. If he doesn’t feel that then he’s unlikely to care too much about how safe you feel.

    • Thanks for the input. That’s interesting I wouldn’t have thought there would be a fear of sounding patronizing. How different the sexes are! Good advice. I agree, men need a different kind of assurance. Cheers.

  5. Lori –

    This is a great wake up post for us guys. This perspective just isn’t ‘normal’ for us – maybe I should be more specific – me! I often give my wife a hard time about locking our front door as soon as I leave the house. (we live in a really safe area) But you really shine a light on how we are different as males and females.

    This is something I really need to consider as a husband and take it to heart!! Thanks for sharing!!!

    Stu

  6. Pingback: Mate Stay Put

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