Can You Show Love with a Sticky Note?

I apologize if you received this post twice. The e-book was unavailable last week, but was just improved and re-released. If you add a comment, you will be qualified for a free e-book giveaway!

I recently read an e-book called Sticky-Note Love by Matthew French-Holt. In it, Matthew shares advice about how to please women, after realizing he needed to be regularly reminded about simple ways to please his wife. (I don’t know if any guys out there can relate, or if you have us women figured out.) Because Matthew says he tends to forget how to keep the romantic streak alive in his own marriage, he  created a simple system to help. He believes other men have similar tendencies and can benefit from the same model. (You can find Matthew encouraging all kinds of adventure at Adventure-Some.com.)

The gist of his advice is to write your wife a love note every single day. While that can seem daunting, Matthew gives tons of simple suggestions, and even says a one-sentence love message on a sticky note will surely do the trick. The key is to write from your heart and to be consistent. As in every single day. I was surprised how easy and doable Matthew’s idea is; the hard part is in keeping it up.

The e-book isn’t quite as simple as that one piece of advice, as he gives you some of the reasonings behind why it works, as well as many tips and suggestions so you don’t have to sit holding that piece of paper wondering what to say each day. The three pages of ideas for your love notes is one good reason guys should consider getting the e-book! Of course, you want to be honest with your feelings, but it’s a great start.

In essence, the goal is to create a virtuous cycle rather than a vicious cycle. In the vicious cycle, your wife may be seeking acknowledgement that she is loved. When she doesn’t receive affirmation and hear what you love in her, she may question that love and be slow to give affection. This cycle can slowly make you feel out of touch. The virtuous cycle means that as you regularly express love, she becomes more secure and confident in your love. She then becomes increasingly affectionate toward you, which causes you to share your affection and feelings of love even more. In this cycle, you feel ever more bonded to one another.

One of my blogging pals, marital therapist Dr. Michelle Gannon, shares a story in an article for Hitched Media that seems to support Matthew’s theory.  She explains how to have more gratitude and positivity in your life and marriage. Then, she shared this story:

My husband and I were presenting at a conference, and I met a lovely 70-year-old gentleman who told me that he had been happily married for 50 years. I asked him what was his secret to success? He immediately answered that when he was married for one week, his new wife came to him and asked, “What are three things that you love about me?” He answered, “You are beautiful, smart and a great cook.” The next week, she asked the same question. He gave the same answer, and she responded, “You already told me those three things. Tell me three new things.” So he did–week after week, year after year. He claimed that every week for 50 years he has given her three new compliments or expressions of appreciation and gratitude.

So whether you want to be put on the spot by your wife, or whether you want to think in advance and make one grateful comment or write something you love about her every day, it seems clear that this kind of activity makes a wife feel more loved and appreciated. Interestingly, the act of sharing your love and gratitude will also help you as a husband. (See my past post about the benefits of gratitude.)

The e-book is available for $19.99 at: http://snl.adventure-some.com/.

Decide how you plan to express your love and gratitude today. Then figure out a way to be consistent. Whether it’s a sticky note on the mirror, a daily verbal expression, a text sent every day at the same time, or a love note under the pillow each night, you’ll find these expressions go a long way to strengthening a marriage bond.  What are you waiting for?

Photo credit: ©Chad McDermott/PhotoXpress.com

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15 responses to “Can You Show Love with a Sticky Note?

  1. Notes can’t show love. It’s like a shoe showing sex.

    • True, but people can show love using notes. Those who value words of affirmation greatly appreciate spoken and written words.

  2. Thanks for sharing my example Lori. We also use sticky notes a lot in our family. Recently, my husband had a “caring behavior night” for me. I came home from work to a bubble bath and my hubby & sons had written compliments on sticky notes, and put them all over the bathroom! Then they made me dinner before we all watched Dancing With The Stars. Yes, I am a words of appreciation gal, so post its can come in very handy. Gratitude for meeting wonderful people like you this year. Happy Thanksgiving.

  3. This is absolutely on-target. I have been using texts and e-mails for the past few years, and it has made a tremendous difference with my wife. She responds very much to romantic and flirty notes and texts, and LOVES the attention. If I am really busy, she will miss them and will send me one instead.

    And those “3 little words” writtne at the end mean so much to her.
    Great post.

  4. Lori – never heard of the book, but like the concept. For the past year I have been sending my wife a card in the mail every month (yikes … I need to get one mailed soon!). The cards always come at a good time for her/us, and remind her that she’s special to me. I’ll give the sticky-note idea a run for a week to see if I can be consistent.

  5. i really appreciate everything you said. indeed, it works.

  6. I’ve done something similar myself. I used to work out of town for a week at a time and would hide notes all over for my partner to find while I was away. Now that I don’t work away, my plan is (either as a wedding gift, or part of my proposal if I beat him to it) to present him with a bound version of all the notes together.

  7. Great ideas. Love your blog!

  8. I used to do this when we first got married. Now three kids later, I have been searching for that deep connection we once had. I have been working at it for about a year now. Only in the past three months have I made REAL progress. I’m going to add this to my marriage toolbox and do this again with the sticky notes.

    …off to Walmart!

  9. Thanks to all who entered the contest with a comment. The winners of the e-book drawing are Kevin Bullard and Sonia! Congratulations and best wishes in your relationships. Please share if the e-book is useful to you. Please watch your email for delivery. All the best,
    Lori

  10. I left pink Post- it- notes all over the house this morning for my husband, whose love language is words of affirmation. He really liked reading the I love you because… notes.

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