Comments on: 4 No-Talking Tools to Boost Your Relationship http://marriagegems.com/2010/03/11/4-no-talking-tools-to-boost-your-relationship/ Research-based marriage tips and insights Fri, 10 Feb 2012 20:55:09 +0000 hourly 1 http://wordpress.com/ By: Shannon O | Confessions of a Loving Wife http://marriagegems.com/2010/03/11/4-no-talking-tools-to-boost-your-relationship/#comment-313 Fri, 12 Mar 2010 02:20:03 +0000 http://lifegems4marriage.com/?p=1046#comment-313 Thanks so much for sharing Lori!

I guess what it comes down to is; love, feel love, express love, accept love.

Great insight.

]]> By: lorilowe http://marriagegems.com/2010/03/11/4-no-talking-tools-to-boost-your-relationship/#comment-312 Thu, 11 Mar 2010 23:52:02 +0000 http://lifegems4marriage.com/?p=1046#comment-312 Yes, Scott, I do agree. Good descriptions of how to demonstrate compassion. Glad you liked the post on touch. I was surprised such convincing research exists to reinforce its importance. Cheers!
Lori

]]> By: Scott http://marriagegems.com/2010/03/11/4-no-talking-tools-to-boost-your-relationship/#comment-311 Thu, 11 Mar 2010 19:35:35 +0000 http://lifegems4marriage.com/?p=1046#comment-311 I definitely agree that difficult discussions are much easier if my wife and I are feeling connected. Touch is one key part of this for us (been meaning to post a comment on your touch post – very good one). Walks are also a very good time for us to talk. Of course sexual intimacy gives the ultimate sense of connection. Bottom line, we do much better at collaborating on solutions when we are feeling really connected.

My take on compassion may be a bit different. To me it means understanding the difference in wiring (in general) between men and women, an idea that you touched on in your last post. Men typically need to be approached in a way that maintains honor and respect. This means things like speaking in a non-accusatory manner, genuine affirmation, and maintaining a respectful tone. Women typically need to be approached in a way that maintains the love connection and their sense that they are cherished and cared for regardless of the issue at hand. This means things like affirmation through touch and eye-contact, reinforcing the value of the relationship, expressing unconditional acceptance and love.

For me this idea of understanding differences gives clues to how we can use positive reinforcement a bit differently for men and women as well. For men – reinforce respect and honor; for women – reinforce love and acceptance.

Of course these are generalization, but I’ve found they seem to hold pretty true. Do you agree?

As for hand signals? Nah.

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