Comments on: Do You Have Boundaries for Fighting Fair?

By: lorilowe

lorilowe — Wed, 16 Dec 2009 02:35:02 +0000

@Mrs. Levine Glad it was helpful. That reminds me of a couple I interviewed who separated after nearly 25 years of marriage. They had never learned how to fight, and both had some troubled childhoods that made them more likely to “stuff” their issues. After counseling and other significant changes, they rebuilt their marriage, and it now includes expressing their wishes as well as dislikes. They say that learning to fight was a big part of their healing.

By: Mrs. Levine

Mrs. Levine — Wed, 16 Dec 2009 01:17:14 +0000

Hi Lori, I found your site through The Marry Blogger contest. Congrats!

I really like the idea of setting boundaries for fights. My husband and I have a lot of trouble fighting because we’re avoiders. Six years into our marriage, we’re now trying to learn how to fight so that things don’t go on suppressed. I think part of our issue is that we haven’t set boundaries–not that we would go too far with fighting but more boundaries to let us know how far we can go. We’re starting to learn what both of us need individually when we are “fighting”–like I need to be told that this fight doesn’t mean that he’s going to leave–so that we can feel free to say everything that has to be said to move forward. It’s very useful. Thanks for the great post!

By: Dustin | Engaged Marriage

Dustin | Engaged Marriage — Mon, 30 Nov 2009 18:53:44 +0000

Great post, Lori! I still need to read The Love Dare (we did watch Fireproof and really enjoyed it). These are fantastic examples of healthy boundaries.

I wrote a post a few weeks ago with the “rules” for fighting fair in the form of an acronym. If you combine these boundaries with those rules, you should have “great” fights!