http://marriagegems.com/2009/11/05/mind-the-expectations-gap/ Research-based marriage tips and insights Fri, 10 Feb 2012 20:55:09 +0000 hourly 1 http://wordpress.com/ http://marriagegems.com/2009/11/05/mind-the-expectations-gap/#comment-151 Sun, 08 Nov 2009 05:15:00 +0000 http://lorilowe.wordpress.com/?p=559#comment-151 In my sermons I always refer to expectations as
“silent killers.” A lot of times they are things we haven’t thought through and don’t even know are there until someone violates one of them and then we end up mad.

]]> http://marriagegems.com/2009/11/05/mind-the-expectations-gap/#comment-148 Fri, 06 Nov 2009 23:08:04 +0000 http://lorilowe.wordpress.com/?p=559#comment-148 Someone once said that another name for unspoken expectations is “premeditated resentments”. I like that because that’s exactly what happens. The expectations we carry that go un-communicated are akin to playing a board game where only one person has the rules… but the other person is expected to know what those rules are, somehow. If both people are going to “play the game” successfully, i.e. where both can win, then the rules/expectations need to be clear to both. As John Gottman has said, keep updating your love maps, folks!

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