Who will Make the First Move?

Continuing from our last post about not keeping score in your marriage, there is often an internal debate with husbands and wives that if she would only stop nagging him, he would fulfill her every need, and visa versa. Are you waiting for your spouse to change before you are willing to do your part? Then once you do your part, are you only willing to continue if you see your spouse adjust accordingly?

No one should tolerate an abusive spouse, but if you are regularly focusing on perceived faults of your spouse or personality failures (how they “should be” or how they “should act”), you are not really valuing them as a person along with the attributes they have been given. Remember, if you don’t build up your spouse, who will? If they fail and you aren’t there to help them through a crisis, who will? (In fact, a crisis is a wonderful opportunity to solidify your marriage and what you truly stand for. This is why I have interviewed so many successful couples who have been through extremely difficult circumstances.)

Since wives are prone to nagging, try to be the sweet voice your husband longs to come home to, the one who praises his strengths and encourages his dreams. Make him miss you the minute he backs out of the driveway. Husbands, keep your focus and priority on your wife. Be aware of her needs. Praise her beauty and her skill. Listen to her concerns. Be affectionate. Put your computer and phone down when she’s sharing her day or her struggles.

Put effort into your marriage, not monthly but daily. Forgive when you’ve had a bumpy day and try again tomorrow. Work together through adversity. If these acts seem too difficult given your current conflicts, it’s time to see a marriage counselor.

Share the small actions you or your spouse take that make a big difference in your relationship.

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3 responses to “Who will Make the First Move?

  1. Hey, great post, especially to the point of focusing on our own stuff first! The hardest part of my job as a counselor is to get (help is probably the better word) people to see that even if their spouse did correct their behavior, it would not quiet or bring their hearts to rest, they would always look for the next thing to get better. Only Christ can fully bring our hearts to rest and often we realize that our “needs” are nothing more than a demanding of something other than God. I’m keeping this link on my computer, good stuff!

  2. Amen !!
    If you want to focus on your spouse’s issue, give it to God and pray for him. For me this is the most powerful thing I can do for my hubby, without tearing him down. I’m not saying we never fight and I shove down all my feelings, believe me that’s not that case. I’m simply saying that we try and allow God’s will to be first in our marrige and we pray that our union will Glorify Him, not ourselves. We both have found amazing freedom and contentment in trying to live this way.

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